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Wonk'd: Karl Goes South

Wonkette's New Urbanist Operative reports that Karl Rove blew off some federal prosecutorial steam this weekend by taking in a play ("The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged)") at the "tiny, 64-seat Seaside Repertory Theatre in Seaside, Florida, where Rove has a house." Showing the kind of priorities that make Wonkette readers a somewhat less prized demographic than other Gawker properties, the operative continues:


We saw him there tonight -- I believe my opening line was "We thought we might see Britney Spears out here, but this is SO MUCH BETTER" (I don't get out much) and got his autograph on our play programs.
And other than that, how did you like the play, Mr. Rove?
He had an absolutely straight face through any jokes about the Republican Party. A throwaway line, "Harry Potter isn't a book, it's a lifestyle choice," though, made him laugh loudly.
Well, if you're gonna nominate John Roberts, you kind of have to have a sense of humor about that kind of thing.
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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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