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Yr. Teen Kolumnist has been noticing a nerve twanging-ly annoying trend among his pubescent peers. We are getting more hypocritical. Or maybe I am noticing it more. And I don’t mean saying one thing and doing another. I mean fervently believing in an idea, repeatedly stating your belief in said idea, and then saying something that is to the exact opposite of the idea. This was briefly mentioned in thehomophobia edition, but damned if it doesn’t require, much like women and rooms, a column of its own.


First and foremost, a brief segment of repetition is in order, a return to the strange and hateful universe of homophobia 'n' teenz. As you know, homophobia is part of our very vernacular, like how if you say "vernacular," somebody's going to call you a faggot. However, the mental divide between fake homophobia and true homophobia is shrinking faster than the relevance of that one lady with the fake tan in New Jersey. It is common knowledge that most of the people objecting to gay marriage are Wingnut Oldz, with a few outlying exceptions. However, literally two minutes (two goddam minutes!) after a right leaning jackass jock said “well, YEAH gay marriage should be legal. That’s basic,” he followed it up with “Dude, don’t be such a fag.” The dude needs either a brain transplant, vigorous education, or a swift kick to the ass. I personally vote for the 3rd option. [Dok Zoom's note: Kid, you have a little reading to catch up on...]

Second, there are many things that I thought would stop being an issue in a socio-economically high class, left-leaning, and above all inclusive school. Chief among them was race. However, the standard "I'm being hip and ironic when I say racist stuff" seems to have spread to the sacred and hallowed halls of our public schools, not like in the good old days of our fathers’ education when children were polite and respectful and blah blah shut up dad. Unfortunately, while “just a joke” might work on certain British Automotive shows, in high-school that excuse is a lot less believable.

As is an excuse I thought was long dead. Seriously, I *had* only ever heard of this as an example of mocking stupid people. However, this archaic gem of stoopid is still around: “I can’t be racist: I have a black friend.” I’m going to give you a second to process the fact that, for some people, this is still a valid excuse. Done contemplating the layers of human stupidity? Of course not, there’s not enough time or brain power in the known universe for a task of that magnitude. Unfortunately, however much we might hate it, this steaming heap of bovine fecal matter permeates much of the discussion of race. For instance, a friend of mine once stated that he and his “black friend” always walk on opposite sides of this one street, and that bad things happen to him because, and I quote, “it is the negro side of the street.”

But at least I haven’t heard any white kids call other white kids the “N-word*”

*in the past day.

Kid Zoom is a high school sophomore singing "School's Out For Summer" in the wilds of Idaho. He is the son of Doktor Zoom, and is starting driver's ed this weekend.

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