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WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE! President Obama Tells Birth Certificate Joke to Nice Lady in Oklahoma

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WONKET EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT WONKETTE!!!1!! Barack Obama has just arrived in Cushing, OK, to talk about energy and supporting this pipeline doohickey if it's safe, something somethingalgae? On his way out, he stopped to shake hands with nice lady Donna Schoenkopf, who had apparently scammed her way in by pretending to be a reporter. "I was born in the same hospital as you, Kapiolani Hospital," she gushed, at which he stopped and turned back. "Do you have a birth certificate?" he asked her, because now he is apparently hilarious as well. She reports exclusively to Wonkette that she did not have an awesome witty comeback, but just said, "Yeah."


From a letter Schoenkopf wrote to Obama, inviting him to something called the Pottawattomie County Democrats St. Patrick's Day Commie-Thon and Socialiststravaganza last week, which he did not attend:

I am sure you know that Oklahoma is the reddest state in the Union and we Democrats have had a tough time of it here. But we are a feisty bunch and we NEVER give up. We thought you would like to see what it's like in the trenches. I mean, how great would it be for you to show up in Tecumseh, Oklahoma, population 6,457, in the heart of Republican territory?

It just takes my breath away to think about it.

Our lives have taken very similar paths. I am from Hawaii, too. I was born in the hospital YOU were born in (Kapiolani Maternity Hospital) in 1943. I was supposed to go to Punahou School, too, but my dad died when I was ten. He's buried in Punch Bowl, as your grandfather is. My mother and brothers and I moved to the States (as it was called then) in 1953.

I am a retired school teacher. Taught mostly third grade in the Inner City of Los Angeles for about twenty years. I am a version of a community organizer, too, came of age during the Civil Rights Movement, marched with Cesar Chavez, was my union rep for years, and got arrested for protesting nuclear testing in Nevada. Because I am from Hawaii, I have an intense love for the environment and even built my little house in the country in a sustainable, environmental way.

I am an ardent admirer of yours and … well, there are no words to express how I feel about you being the President of the United States of America.

Hope you can make it.

Aloha nui nui,

Donna Schoenkopf

Your liberal media at work.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Donald Trump held another great big slob picnic in Orlando, Florida, last night, where he "announced" the "start" of his 2020 campaign, which will be exactly like his 2016 campaign except for the minor detail that he's actually been in the White House since 2017, which is really a bummer, man. Still, it's no reason he can't run as an outsider who vows to protect everyday Americans who believe he's just like them. The rally was a mishmash of the same damn shit he's said a million times before, and the rubes loved almost every minute of it except for the boring parts when he talked about stuff he's supposedly achieved in office, because not even his supporters care about trade policy or tariffs. They want an enemy, and they want to be told they and Trump will destroy that enemy together because they are the real Americans. So that's what Trump gave them, again and again, a feast of fear and resentment designed to get them to the polls. It was enough in 2016, and Trump thinks it'll do the job in 2020.

If there was anything new in the speech -- which was mostly Trump reading from a teleprompter, plus the expected weirdass asides -- nobody has identified it. He complained about the press and the crowd chanted "CNN sucks," and he explained what a threat to the nation Hillary Clinton is -- in fact, he mentioned her eight times during the 80-minute rant.

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