WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE! President Obama Tells Birth Certificate Joke to Nice Lady in Oklahoma


WONKET EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT WONKETTE!!!1!! Barack Obama has just arrived in Cushing, OK, to talk about energy and supporting this pipeline doohickey if it's safe, something somethingalgae? On his way out, he stopped to shake hands with nice lady Donna Schoenkopf, who had apparently scammed her way in by pretending to be a reporter. "I was born in the same hospital as you, Kapiolani Hospital," she gushed, at which he stopped and turned back. "Do you have a birth certificate?" he asked her, because now he is apparently hilarious as well. She reports exclusively to Wonkette that she did not have an awesome witty comeback, but just said, "Yeah."

From a letter Schoenkopf wrote to Obama, inviting him to something called the Pottawattomie County Democrats St. Patrick's Day Commie-Thon and Socialiststravaganza last week, which he did not attend:

I am sure you know that Oklahoma is the reddest state in the Union and we Democrats have had a tough time of it here. But we are a feisty bunch and we NEVER give up. We thought you would like to see what it's like in the trenches. I mean, how great would it be for you to show up in Tecumseh, Oklahoma, population 6,457, in the heart of Republican territory?

It just takes my breath away to think about it.

Our lives have taken very similar paths. I am from Hawaii, too. I was born in the hospital YOU were born in (Kapiolani Maternity Hospital) in 1943. I was supposed to go to Punahou School, too, but my dad died when I was ten. He's buried in Punch Bowl, as your grandfather is. My mother and brothers and I moved to the States (as it was called then) in 1953.

I am a retired school teacher. Taught mostly third grade in the Inner City of Los Angeles for about twenty years. I am a version of a community organizer, too, came of age during the Civil Rights Movement, marched with Cesar Chavez, was my union rep for years, and got arrested for protesting nuclear testing in Nevada. Because I am from Hawaii, I have an intense love for the environment and even built my little house in the country in a sustainable, environmental way.

I am an ardent admirer of yours and … well, there are no words to express how I feel about you being the President of the United States of America.

Hope you can make it.

Aloha nui nui,

Donna Schoenkopf

Your liberal media at work.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Today we are having a Very Serious Conversation about how liberals are very uncivil and mean and terrible and vulgar, because a restaurant in Virginia very nicely asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders to GTFO, due to how she is an atrocious liar who works for a fascist. (The restaurant comped the cheese plates that had already been served.) Meanwhile the president is threatening 79-year-old black congresswomen on Twitter and ripping babies away from their parents and just generally being a fascist. BOTH SIDES DO IT, ISN'T THAT RIGHT, VERY SERIOUS PUNDITS?

Point is, Sarah Huckabee Sanders is doing her first White House press briefing in a week, assuming she doesn't wuss out like she always does. Will she lie? Will she cry? Will she be a sack of shit like she always is? Most importantly, has she managed to find a meal since she was kicked out of the Red Hen? We certainly hope she's managed to find a Chick-fil-A or something, as we wouldn't want Our Sarah to be forced to give a press briefing while hangry.

Let's liveblog and see what a foul asshole SHS feels like being today:

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Last week, Nicole Arteaga of Peoria, Arizona received the devastating news from her doctor that her baby's development had stopped and that pregnancy would end in a miscarriage. Given the option of either a D&C or prescription medication, she chose to go with the prescription. Then, like all normal people do when they get a prescription, she went to a pharmacy to have it filled.

Unfortunately for her, Brian Hrenuic -- the pharmacist at the Walgreens she went to -- refused to give her that prescription, because he opposed it on "moral grounds."

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