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Wonkette PSA: No One Cares Where You Were on September 11

Even this unintentionally funny illustration of a lie bores us. (Picture: Slate)


We remember so clearly, so vividly, our 9/11 -- huddling together with the family, listening for the first time to "Po' Boy" and "Sugar Baby," everyone wondering if they'd have to go to work tomorrow. Do you remember yours? Of course!

If you attended "Conde Nast's Fashion Rocks concert at Radio City Music Hall," the New York Daily News has inexplicably printed your heroic tale of watching CNN international from Milan for a couple minutes. If you have a blog, you've probably written about it. If you're on your third giant beer at Recessions' happy hour, you're telling your neighbor about it right now.

Sorry America, but no one cares. Unless you were buried in the rubble of the north tower alongside a mustachioed Nic Cage, your story is completely uninteresting and can be repeated almost verbatim by 3 or 4 million other Americans. President George W. Bush's story itself is incredibly banal -- the man went to bed early, having failed to do anything but survive a military-escorted flight home from Florida. Dick Cheney's story might be interesting, but he will take it with him to his cryogenic tomb somewhere beneath NORAD. But you -- be you government employee, life-long New Yorker, minor celebrity, Washington journalist, White House intern, former pilot, or Representative Richard Pombo -- you bore us.

On this tragic anniversary, America cries out as one: HEARD IT.

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Ann Coulter is not impressed with Donald Trump's presumptuous plan to stop ripping babies away from their mothers and sending them to infant prison. For quite a while, Ann has been obsessively lamenting the very idea that American people even have children to "fill their lives with joy," but now (lol, "now") Ann has shifted her rage to immigrant people. Every time you watch her waving her alien-length arms around in a ritualistic frenzy over how shitty liberals are, just remember that we have already seen the emptiness of her soul laid bare. Remember that time she wanted to eat your baby because you got a tax credit?

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Screenshot- Right Wing watch via Fox News
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It's just another Wednesday in an America that snatched kids from their parents and locked them up in old Walmarts. Trump just signed an unneeded executive order ending his heinous child separation policy, but his "the bad guy mobster in a mobster movie" tactics might've had some permanent damage. What remains of the shriveled-up soul of the grand old poor-screwing Republican party has finally had enough.

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