Wonkette Recommendations For STAY THE F*CK AT HOME, Starting With STAY THE F*CK AT HOME!
We were going to write you a whole thinky piece today about Social Distancing For 22-Year-Olds And Boomers, Who Appear To Equally Need Help On This, from your friendly neighborhood Gen-Xers at Wonkette. But it looks like the nation's governors are gonna help take care of that for everyone, by shutting down the damn bars. And yes, we hate that this is happening, and we hate that our gym closed today, and we would love nothing more than go to bars right now, but we also don't want to accidentally kill your Nana OR ours.
Point is, we're not writing that blog post today. But we figured maybe we can all crowdsource each other for however many weeks we end up having to do this, by sharing the foods we are making and the things we are watching and the music we're listening to, and also too other things, in case you're looking for ideas. And if you have your ideas to share, say them in the comments, which are temporarily open during the coronavirus crisis, as per CDC recommendations.
Seriously, this social distancing thing sucks, and it was about 7:30 PM Friday night when we sent our first text message saying, "Plagues are boring." But we, just like you, are committed to #KeepPlaguesBoring, so this is how we occupied our time this weekend:
We watched them! We watched the Donald Trump Jr. story, we mean American Psycho, and we watched Basic Instinct, both for the very first time ever. (If you have seen a certain disturbing recent crime docu-series, you know how those two things might have ended up on our to-watch list. If you haven't, well then we're not going to spoiler you!)
Anyway, we recommend both.
We also watched a three-hour long Kubrick film called Barry Lyndon, from 1975, which we very recommend if you are into three-hour long period pieces set during the Seven Years War. Oh yeah, and we watched Barfly, the semi-autobiographical Charles Bukowski film, but it's not streaming anywhere, so fuck it. (The rest of them are.)
Also too JAMIE says if you are feeling maudlin about coronavirus, Contagion is "fun." Also Outbreak, we might add!
We didn't watch any of that. But JAMIE has been binge-watching "Hunger Games" and REBECCA says "Brockmire" on Hulu is hilarious. "It's the Simpsons guy as a hilariously drunk and sex-addicted sportscaster," she says! But wait, there's more! "In season three or so he gets sober and really tries to be a good person, and talks about how hard it is in our stupid country right now, it's great!" So ... great?
Meanwhile LIZ says buy yourself a month of PBS if you don't have it and watch every single murder/detective series from Not America, because they are so much better.
JAMIE mentions that if you are an opera-head, the Metropolitan Opera is streaming a different opera for free every night. Tonight it's Carmen, which is just wonderful. Meanwhile, Playbill has a list of 15 Broadway shows you can watch at home, which they updated today.
Vogue has a few other suggestions for livestreams right here.
Personally we are listening to David Byrne's entire catalog, and we have found that it is the perfect weird soundtrack for this perfectly weird time. For a random place to jump in, start with The Knee Plays. (Link goes to full album playlist.)
Turn it the fuck UP.
Eatables, or How Is Chrissy Teigen Feeding Us Through The Plague?
We've mentioned a few times that we bought Chrissy Teigen's cookbooks a while back, and between some health problems in our family and now THE FUCKING PLAGUE, those cookbooks are getting some exercise. We obviously recommend you buy them both, but you can start with her Veggie Tortilla Stew, which is so freaking wonderful and easy we don't even know how to 'splain it.
Oh, and if you want something truly decadent in your mouth, KEEP THAT TO YOURSELF, PERVERT, just kidding, we mean you should make Teigen's Chicken Pot Pie Soup, which is probably 1,800 calories per serving but we don't care and neither do you.
We would recommend you alcohol selections, but we trust you were hoarding that for the apocalypse anyway.
Stay the fuck at home!
And enjoy it!
Think of it like this: You've had a million things on your list for ages, shows to watch, projects to do, shows to binge, music to really dive into, recipes to cook, whatever. And now, you get to make an actual dent in those lists, so have fun with it. Share us what you are doing!
Back with more #HotTips next time we have some for you, until then OPEN THREAD.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
If you're shopping at Amazon, which we know you are, please use this handy Wonkette-friendly link.
Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.