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Wonkette Roundtable Discussion Crash: Nick Gillespie vs. Jonah Goldberg

IMG_9890.JPGAll photos by Liz Gorman, Hayekian Girl Reporter.


Last night, Wonkette schlepped down to the Heritage Foundation do shoot up and fuck our sisters listen to a debate on Libertarians versus Conservatives, with Jonah Goldberg of the National Review Online, and Nick Gillespie of Reason Magazine -- and, this week, of Wonkette, making us a bit biased. Quite a bit biased, actually, as we've learned time and time again that, our own rich-soaking tendencies aside, drinking with Libertarians always means a good, if poorly-remembered, time.

Full report, after the jump.

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The debate, such as it was, seemed to be more about funny ad hominem attacks than policy.

Our notes: "MATT YGLESIAS IS BOOOOORING"

"Jonah Goldberg = poor man's Dennis Miller."

"Jonah = comic book guy"

"Heidegger v. Buick. WHAT?"

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If the night had a theme song, it'd be this.

Goldberg: for tradition. Gillespie: for heroin and incest.

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The food: pretty damn good for one of these things. Usual cheese plate, plus dumplings! They were pretty good. Also, there were slabs of meat on little sticks.

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It was apparently five bucks to get in. We didn't know that, as we just sort of importantly swept past the front desk. Bar: open, but not particularly well-stocked (Coors, Coors Light, bad wine).

IMG_9839.JPGModerator/liberal Matt Yglesias tries very, very hard not to get beat up.

In the battle of clever pop cultural references, Goldberg opened things off by comparing Heritage's fancy digs with the headquarters of a Bond villain, then moved on to a bunch of crappy '80s movies jokes (plus "Angel") that we didn't write down. Gillespie kept talking about dead English monarchs, then said Goldberg's "Wisdom of the Elders" sounded "like a shitty Van Morrison song."

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Original Wonkette wanted to shout something about the panel and attendant Q&A being a total sausage fest, but she restrained herself.

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IMG_9857.JPGLittle known fact: Chris Lehman and Nick Gillespie communicate with each other in an entirely invented language of sardonic grunts and world-weary sighs.

IMG_9859.JPGAna Marie Cox is shocked that she cannot bring her drink into the auditorium.

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IMG_9864.JPGHe really does the most amazing imitation of a hen laying an egg.

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IMG_9872.JPGThe audience is encouraged to heckle, like in the British House of Commons. Though not to be Communists, like in the British House of Commons.

IMG_9877.JPGNick is alarmed to realize that his prepared notes are entirely about Jonah Goldberg's beard.

IMG_9885.JPGJonah Goldberg makes another in a series of "Babylon 5" jokes, Matt Yglesias continues the long process of transferring his hair from the top of his head to the front, and Nick Gillespie writes a love letter to John Stossel's cousin.

IMG_9886.JPGJonah keeps a keen, protective eye on the flag -- sorry, Friedman fans, these colors don't burn.

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Afterparty: Bar across the street. It was a star-studded occasion, if you're into Cato interns, Ezra Klein, and Libertarian Party officials. And Grover Norquist, who unfortunately couldn't stay long, as he had to go home and shred documents.

Hot topics: Football, "Suck" paraphernalia, snowflake babies, humorless feminists, K. Lo, fake IDs.

IMG_9898.JPGWith his controversial Rip Taylorian "throw shit at the audience" proposal, Gillespie handily wins yet another debate for the unstoppable political sensation that is Libertarianism. On to the bar!

Conclusion: Libertarians are way more likely to buy us drinks.

Afterparty pics here.

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BREAKING ACHTUNG EVERYBODY CRY AND PANIC AND HAVE ROLLICKING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, BECAUSE ROBERT MUELLER DID THE THING.

We don't know what the thing means yet, but we know that he gave the thing to Attorney General Bill Barr, who is presumably looking at the thing right now. Donald Trump is at Mar-a-Lago, so he does not have the thing, because NO THING FOR ILLEGITIMATE PRESIDENTS. Studies show that according to sources close to the investigation who may or may not be close to the investigation, we might have some real information on what is inside the thing sometime this weekend.

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Whatcha doin' down there at Mar-a-Lago, Mister Normal President Of America?

OK ... huh?

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