We enjoyed reading about the real Wonkette's adventures at the White House (and we were just kidding about the hand towel... really, we totally loved it). But we can't help thinking she missed an opportunity. Like, a really big one. You're supposed to be the snarkiest person in Washington, and you're AT THE WHITE HOUSE and you don't even go meet the president? Maybe we should let Last Call take over here full time.

Here, then, are the top five things we wish Wonkette had said to George W. Bush last night:

• "So, what do you really have against ass fucking? Ever tried it?"

• "You totally only picked Cheney because he's hung like a whale, didn't you?"

• "With so many countries that had absolutely no weapons of mass destruction and were guaranteed to go completely to hell afterwards, how did you decide to invade Iraq? Did you almost do Tibet by accident?"

• "You know, your daughters are really good in bed."

• "Oh, Mr. President, I can go get you another drink. Knob Creek neat, right?" -- "Joe Klein"

Party Report Card: The Real Wonkette At The White House [Wonkette]