Wonkette Wonk-Luck Will Be Mile-High, Denver, TONIGHT! (Boulder Saturday, Boulder!)
Jerk baby doing what jerk babies always do: taking a selfie.
TONIGHT, from 5 to 9 p.m., the Wonkette #Wonkebago Kiss Your Mama Tour will be rolling (a fat doob) into Denver! Bring a plate! And a cup! Because as we discovered Wednesday in Santa Fe, I do not actually own those things! Also bring something to grill, and maybe a present, and I don't know, a nice potato salad? Big Red Dog has donated many lovely cans of Ska beer from her brewery, but depending on how many of you show up, maybe you should bring some too? Help us help you drink beer and eat potato salad! Or send money if you want to help us help you do all that stuff in your city of wherever your city is.
The nitty-gritty: we will meet up at Cheesman Park from 5 to 9. How will you find us in a park so big? I DON'T KNOW, DENVER, even choosing the park was a NIGHTMARE. Nice people on Twitter were suggesting parks in fucking Aurora that were like 50,000 acres, so at least you didn't have to find us out there, while dodging maniac bullets! Anyway, look for nice people sitting outside an RV.
BOULDER, you are on deck for Saturday, let's call it 4 to 7 p.m. at Eben G. Fine Park, because I googled "boulder parks" and fuck it, it'll do. Same deal, bring plates and cups and such and things to share, for communisticism. We love you.
And now, without further ado, have some pictures of the lovely Santa Fenerinos who came out to see us with like 10 hours' notice. There were IndiePalin, and Painter of Goats, and Olav Pompatus, and whatever Robynne's commenter name is, I forget, plus significant others and the aforementioned Big Red Dog who drove HOURS to be with us (and bring beer!), and also two youngs showed up! What? Youngs? It's fuckin' TRUE! And they were darling and HILARIOUS. Come be hilarious with us, Denver and Boulder!
Look at these gorgeous youngs!
It is me, making that face! And also Miss Donna Rose, who was fussy and declined to entertain us, like an asshole. Stupid dumb jerk baby, what a jerk.
Now the above and all the following will not be identified, for privacy purposes. Maybe your boss is a dick who does not know you moonlight as a Terrible One! Have you considered telling him to take this job and fuck himself? Anyway, here are the wonderful people, being wonderful, and eating the food out of mixing bowls. (Really, please bring a plate.)
We got like 10 people (math?) in a tiny city -- wait, no, eight miles OUTSIDE a tiny city -- with one day's notice. Strut your stuff, Denver, show us what you got. You gonna let SANTA FE show you up? Eh, maybe so, they are KIND OF THE BEST.
Come on, Denver. Make me eat my words. And maybe a nice cole slaw.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.