Wonketteers Ensure Nobody Will Remember Lisa Murkowski's Name
Unemployed Americans have been toiling in front of their MS Paint computer screens all day long, trying to think up ways to help Alaska remember Lisa Murkowski's impossibly difficult-to-remember name. We were not even a little bit surprised to discover you all have way too much time to waste between bong rips, and also that none of you recall the long division you supposedly learned in fifth grade. Most of your formulas are basically "pube wigs divided by a Pokemon character = Lisa Murkowski, Q.E.D.", which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. What sort of consumer math GED course did you fools pretend to learn in order to pass your standardized tests?
But first: Here is the Winning Entry, by "Coleen." Coleen realized composing an elaborate mathematical proof was not the way forward. The easiest solution is to use cut-out dolls to vote, thus sidestepping the tedious obstacle of Literacy. However, we must consider that adding scissors to the mix makes voting for Lisa Murkowski extremely hazardous -- perhaps even life threatening -- for at least half of Alaska. Oh well. And now let's take a look at some of Our Losers:
Second Place goes to "Serolf Divad," who at least had the decency to annotate his insane thought process.
Wonkette operative Paul writes: "My submission has everything you could ask for, extra points for Pokemon reference!" Incorrect.
And from "Sgt Biyatch" we have: An Olde Timey "Lisa" computer from the 19th century + Merk pubes + an old lady + Eddie Izzard on Ice. Somehow Sgt Biyatch's equation was one of the more sensible entries, which says a lot about you monsters.
Uh. Lee Harvey Oswald + Eliot Spitzer's hooker from Jersey? Dear Wonkette operative "Primly Stable", please say no to drugs, say yes to tacos.
We were disappointed that no one made a picture of Lisa Murkowski's name crashing into the Twin Towers or at least the Pentagon.
Thanks for playing! Please brush up on your numbers/algebra! [Winner gets a Klassic Wonkette Operative Tee, go to Riley's house to pick it up, and it is cool if you order a pizza for him, too. -- Ed.]