Without the turkey-slaughter stylings of Miss Wasilla, how could any of us really enjoy Thanksgiving? Here's the dropout governor of Alaska before she ditched her job for Hollywood. Look how she doesn't want to touch that filthy animal! Once you've gone Neiman Marcus, you can't go back. So many more beloved holiday traditional videos await you, the thankful American.

Remember when the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade got fuckin' rick-rolled?! Neither do we, but we vaguely recall posting this video a day or two after. And what we knew, at that moment, is that Rick Astley and the "Home for Orphaned Goblins" created a New Thanksgiving Day Tradition, perhaps even more important (culturally) than the time that M&M's blimp crashed into the crowd during the 9/11 Thanksgiving Parade.

And finally, our nation's one & only true Thanksgiving Prayer, by the late artist William S. Burroughs. We've been featuring this particular American Prayer at Wonkette since 2006! Never forget, for real. Nobody ever called Burroughs "the next Thoreau," but maybe they should have ....

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