Wonkette's Teen Korner For Teenz: Earnest Anti-Racism Edition

Hola, mis Wonkerados favoritos! Como... aw, who am I kidding? As true red-blooded ‘Mericans, you shouldn’t be able to understand this heathen lingo. However, despite most teenz being open minded and forward thinking, racial issues are still a thing guys. And, hard as it may be for you oldz to believe, teenz commonly perpetrate Acts O’ Racism.

First of all, there’s the N word. No matter how much Fox News tries to argue that "cracker" is just as bad, they are wrong. It is the most severe word in the English language, and I only use it when I'm quoting some example that's so despicable that a euphemism won’t cover it. I am talking about stuff that leaves a vein throbbing in my forehead, ears turning purple, grow scales and start breathing fire levels of pissed. This occurred when I read about that Idaho Air Passenger of the year 2013, who slapped the little black kid, yelling "shut that..." actually, just click the link, because the very act of typing words mentioning Herr Shitwit von Aryan is bringing out my inner demon. (His name is Spike, if'n you were wondering.)

This being ‘Merica, though, there are white teenz who casually say that word like it’s no big thing. Hint: we don’t like these people. They are generally jocks, stoners, or both, but that is not why we don’t like them. It’s when they say it in front of a black guy, who says he doesn’t mind, and then they think that it is a Get Out Of Racism Free card. That’s what gets me. I cringe when a white guy un-ironically calls another white guy "my N*****," which happens more than I’d like. I want to remind them that “they happen to be white” in true Wire fashion , but alas, I am usually outnumbered. Also half naked, because this mostly happens in locker rooms.

In fact, most casual racism occurs in areas of privacy. Teenz are self conscious about it, so usually will be somewhat civil -- at least by teen standards -- in public. However, when we decide we want to be really stoopid, then the fake accents come out. Unfortunately, accents are fun. It’s making your voice sound like something else, and we can’t get enough of it. When you start making weird voices to get a laugh, it is only a matter of time until one of them becomes a stereotyped version of an accent. I will not deny guilt in this area, but let’s face it, none of you can either. Admit it.

However, the split between groups of teenz comes when someone calls out the racism. Those who actually give even a milligram of a shit will stop, possibly mock themselves, and feel bad. Seeing as how Yr. Teen Kolumnist has inherited Catholic guilt from his father, I generally call myself out on it, and then stop. My friends will do the same. However, for those whose concept of empathy borders on non-existent, this seems like merely someone with no sense of humor objecting to an imagined slight. You’re white, why do you care anyway? God, let me demean humans in peace.

However, I am getting too mad at my peers, so to end on a happy note, I leave you with this:

</p><p><em>Kid Zoom is a high school student in the wilds of Idaho. He is the spawn of Doktor Zoom. He gets frequent flyer miles for his guilt trips. </em></p>