Wonkette's Top 10 Has Been Training For Shelter-At-Home All Its Life

Weekly Top Ten
Wonkette's Top 10 Has Been Training For Shelter-At-Home All Its Life

Welcome, big jerkers, to Wonkette's traditional Saturday morning countdown of our top stories of the week, chosen, this week, by some Draculas. (You know I didn't do the choosing because if I did, it would be all my stories, always, and the same goes for the rest of the staff. The fucking ego on them (Evan, really, not the rest of them, you know how he is).

Remember only YOU can prevent forest fires and only YOU can prevent the ronas and only YOU can keep Wonkette going forever and ever because without us? You would dieeeee.

So remember to hit the tip jar on your way out, if'n you still got a job.


10. WTF Is Happening With Coronavirus In Russia? That one was Evan, don't tell him, he'll be insufferable.

9. Trump Gets In Bidding War With States For Face Masks. That's It, That's The Headline. That one was Liz. She is never insufferable, but she's ALWAYS meeeean.

8. Trump Comforts Nation's Corona-Fears By Having Corona-Tantrum At NBC's Peter Alexander. Evan again. Shhhh.

7. Don't Go Taking Any Coronavirus Advice From Our Stupid President. Hi Robyn! Hiiiii!

6. Trump May Not Believe Doctors, But He Believes The Stupidest Man On The Internet. Hi Dok! Hiiiiii! Gateway Pundit still owes us $3750 by the way, because of course he does. He should put it in our SLUSH FUND.

5. RIP Kenny Rogers: Singer, Dolly Parton Duet-er And Roasted Chicken Impresario. Robyn was sad, as were many of you.

4. Wonkette Announces Reader Aid Slush Fund NOT Overseen By Donald Trump. Oh, it's me, with only one top 10 post this week, GLARES AT ALL OF YOU IN DOMINATRIX. Anyway you can kick in to the SLUSH FUND HERE.

3. Hobby Lobby Staying Open During Pandemic Because Owner's Wife Got A Special Message From God. How does Robyn fucking deal with these jerks?

2. Meet Your New Dad Marvin, Who Knows Kansas Ain't Got Coronavirus 'Cause Kansas Ain't Chinese Like Italy! Yeah, we know, it's Evan.

and your number one story of the week as chosen by Draculas:

We'd Tell Susan Collins To Go F*ck Herself, But Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Took Care Of That. And she did!

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Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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