Wonkette's Top 10 Is ... Is It 'Happy'?
Semiregular check-in: HOW ARE YOU DOING. ARE YOU OKAY. DID JOE BIDEN PERSONALLY COME VAX YOU YET? Yesterday Joe Biden came and personally vaxxed the last remaining adult in our home, or rather sent enough doses to the rez where we live that our (Republican) neighbor whose wife works for the tribe knocked on our door to see if anyone needed vaxxing: Vials had been opened, and somebody best use them!
Guys, this is so fucking huge. I mean, it's huge for us, though we still have two little girls in the house and can't go out licking your faces just yet. But Biden's announcement Wednesday was huge for everybody. All adults eligible by May (and I'm guessing that's really vaxxed by May, since Prezzy Joe likes to underpromise/overdeliver) is huge. We were looking at July — late July! — before, and the thought of that even for middle aged people who already worked at home and whose wonderful grown kids came home ... was fucking sickening. It's coming you guys. It's truly coming. OK, top 10 as chosen this week by an apron of nurses.
10. That's Not What Sexism Is, Kyrsten Sinema. Boy isn't it!
9. Josh Hawley Had A Poster Above His Bed In College. It Was A Gay Poster. It was a pretty gay poster.
8. We've Got A Brooklyn Bridge To Sell Whoever Buys Jack Dorsey's First Tweet For $2.5 Million+. There's been ever so much stupid tech news this week. This was one of them!
7. President Biden Signs COVID Relief Bill Without Sharpie, Does That Even Count? I rule that, believe it or not, it DOES count!
6. BREAKING: President Biden Won't Be Signing Your Stimulus Checks. Because He's Not A Grifting Narcissist. Still counts! And you may be getting direct deposits this weekend.
5. America, We Have A Damn Attorney General. Remember before Billy Barr, there was Jeff Sessions, and Meatball? Don't forget Meatball!
4. That Idaho Mask Burning Was Creepy AF. The world is a sad place sometimes. This is one of them.
3. Trump Might Be More F*cked In Georgia Than We Knew. The world is a sad place some .... HAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING! :D
2. Mike Pence Is A Moonie Now, Practically. This fucking guy.
1. Jared And Vanky Need Some 'ME TIME', Can't Help Daddy Plot Right Now. Moue! Moue! From now on I am just going to say "Moue!" like it is a word they are saying instead of a noun for their dumb pout faces, and it's early morning Saturday, so I'm not even high! Moue!
There you have it, the top 10 stories as chosen this week by an apron of nurses! Don't forget to buy our merch as printed by our good son and wrapped and packed so pretty by me! Don't forget to join our patreon or even send us money on Venmo (I don't know my venmo name, can you look up "Rebecca Schoenkopf"? It all goes to the same grifty place) or Actblue or even Facebook Gifts! Don't forget to click the widget below! You all sent so much money last month when I MOUED at you that I am embarrassed to even ask you now, but people still have to send us money this month, it is the law. Now you may have some GIRLS IN STEM PIX!
Never in my life would have seen "homeschool" coming, goddamn.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.