Wonkette's Top 10 Is, Like Nature, Healing!
Hello hello, we are back together after you missed me so badly last Saturday when I was gone! I missed you too, except for the part that I missed nothing, because I was HAPPY, in the MOUNTAINS, with a CAKE. Let's see what Wonkette's top 10 are, as chosen this week by a convocation of eagles. (Look it up!)
10. Seriously, No One's Canceling Dr. Seuss. WTF Is Wrong With You People? No one canceled Dr. Seuss. WTF IS wrong with you people???
9. Nothing Says 'America' Like A 7-Year-Old Selling Lemonade To Pay For Brain Surgery. Like Shy said in yesterday's newsletter, eat the rich. By taxing them. And then eating them. Because this is some fucking bullshits.
8. All Fun And Games Until President Biden Starts Calling GOP Governors Neanderthals. I think Joe should tell them he's complimented they expect him to not be like that last guy, but probably that's dumb and I'm high. It's legal now!
7. Ron Johnson Just Asking Questions About These Conspiracy Theories Ron Johnson Keeps Spreading. Now he's talking about not running again, and I say please get the fuck out.
6. Mystery Solved! Hitler-Quoting Rep's Husband Brought That Three-Percenter Truck To The Capitol Riots! I assume this is about what's in the hed, I was off for NOT WORKING AT ALL!
5. Ben Shapiro's Sister DESTROYS Leftist Plan To Make America Unattractive. Hahaha, this chick.
4. Liar Goes Home. Not goes home like Oral Roberts went home, she just went to Fox News.
3. Fox's Pete Hesgeth Knows What Diner Patrons Talk About, And It Is The 10th Amendment. I had to look up 10th Amendment, but it just SEEMS true.
2. 'Fox & Friends' Won't Know Which Potato Head To Buy If They Can't See Its Tater Tot! You guys, the Seuss and the Potato mans lasted ALL WEEK. Although maybe they've stopped by now since they can ACTUALLY point to a win, I assume, I haven't looked at twitter for an hour.
1. Heal Your Body From COVID The Gwyneth Paltrow Way: With $8,600 Necklaces And Snake Oil. You know, I'm good but thank you.
And there you have it! Wonkette's top 10 stories as chosen by a convocation of eagles! Now once you have shopping therapied yourself some merch, or joined the Patreon, or sent me a check in the mail at Wonkette, Box 361, Polson MT 59860, or just clicked the widget
you may have a series of pictures of Donna Rose torturing Tallulah (nature is healing!), but she liked it.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.