Wonkette's Top 10 Is Teaching You Wifely Submission!
Good morning friends of love! Are we all in our places with bright shining faces? No, you are red wine paloma hangover drunk? That does sound like you, except for our sober friends who have already had their share for this go-around and are giving everyone else their chance. (Very thoughtful!)
Well, gather 'round, it is time to reach into this vaccine lottery ball with Gavin Newsom and pull out our top 10 stories of the week!
10. Dan Crenshaw Launches 'Woke Ideology' Whistleblower Site For Military Crybabies. This was fucking rich, and if you haven't read it, you should read it!
9. Insipid Cartoon Children Have Time Travel Adventure With Ronald Reagan. I have not read this, I should read it.
8. Mike Lindell Admits He Probably Sold Trump That Pillow Of Goods About Re-Becoming President In August. To whom would you listen if not He of Pillows?
7. One America News Celebrates Gay Pride By WHAT ABOUT WHITE HISTORY MONTH? They are really dumb jerks.
6. Angie Died A Week Ago. Hi Heather. We love you.
4. Newsmax Marine Greg Kelly Had Near Miss At The Daiye Spa. D-A-I-Y-E. Day.
3. Time For Fun New Game, 'Did Your Wonkette Donation Expire'! Oh you think just because you get a thank you note ALMOST every single month that your donation is going through? LOL.
2. Memorial Day 2021: This Year Maybe The Summer Won't Suck. Well, if SER says so. I have my suspicions, and they are "bad people and lunatics." I'm a tiny depressed!
1. Christian Lady Concerned Satanic Feminist Agenda Not Teaching Wifely Submission. It is like that lady has never even seen Secretary.
And there you have it! Our top 10 stories of the week! Now remember to go check whether your donation to Wonkette is still going through (it might show up on your card as "Commie Girl Industries," do you think the Montana secretary of state loves our corporate name so much?), or to start one up if you are able! You can join our Patreon, or buy our merch, or do your Amazon shopping through our link, or even send a check in the mail to
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Now you get a prize.
Donna rose models Wonkette's NRA = WEAK SAD POOP shirt, and lipstick!
Dorothy Dandridge I mean my granddaughter Tallulah and her Radical Dadical.
Oh look they are submissive now, must have got their BRAINZZZ.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.