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* Short week, short review. First thing you need to know is: on Friday, Wal-Mart tried to answer the questions, "Why you acting shady? Why you ain't callin' me baby?", by having Beyonce and Taylor Hicks perform at their shareholder meeting. CostCo admits they were served.


* In its infinite wisdom, DHS slashed the terror prevention budgets for DC and NYC, redirecting the money towards protection of the nation's critical booze-producing infrastructure.

* When one slow news day turns into two, you start a slow news streak, and once you're there, you have to start either making shit up or codifying the obvious.

* 700 million dollar man Hank Paulson was nominated for Treasury Secretary. Everyone is still waiting for the big "Sike!" regarding his love of nature and all God's creatures.

* After they finished the "rock paper scissors" tournament, the Maryland jury in the "Sniper" case figured enough time had passed to make it look real, and convicted John Allen Muhammad.

* No, Al Gore is not running for President -- he's running for Earth.

* A week without Katherine Harris is like a week without air. Luckily, she'll never be too far away, regardless of how much it costs.

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Well, not really a bar, but a conference, and not just any conference, baybee. We're talking BIO, the annual gathering of biotech execs, policy makers, and scientists put on by the Biotechnology Innovation Organization (aka, not just a lobbying group!). Who has two thumbs and attended the gathering a couple of weeks ago? This Mexican.

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It's a new week in America, and as usual everything is going to hell, because that's what happens when you allow 70,000 "economic anxiety" voters in the Rust Belt, Vladimir Putin, and James Comey to decide an election. We will have many stories about Donald Trump's brutal crackdown on Hispanic toddlers today, but in this post, we must revisit that greatest of Americans, Devin Fucking Nunes, congressman from California, possible literal actual Russian agent and (alleged) cow romancer from all the most romantic novels about cow romance. As the French say, ooh la la FUCKING DEVIN.

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