Wonkette's Weekly Top Ten Was Like A Rhinestone Cowboy
MORNIN' COWPOKES! RISE AND SHINE AND GRAB A CUP O CHEWY COFFEE. Or make yourself something nice and then look around the kitchen and wonder if you should bake something and the answer is yes. But before you do that, you've got Wonkette's Top 10 stories, as chosen this week by a paddock o fillies, to look at, nod your head a couplea times, and then get on with your life or sit some more, who's judging sure isn't me!
10. Your Dream Of Spending $300 On A Fyre Festival Hat Could Come True This Week. I don't know if it did or not. Did you spend $300 on a Fyre Festival hat? You know what, then I'm kind of insulted, unless you also spent $3000 on a Wonkette donation. And since none of you spent $3000 on a Wonkette donation, well. Where does that leave us exactly? Oh, with you not spending $300 on a Fyre Festival hat? Okay good, whew!
9. Trump's Hourlong 'Fox & Friends' Therapy Session Went Well This Morning. Sure, well for Joe Biden.
8. If You've Ever Thought 'I Wonder What Jerry Falwell's Upper Pubic Mound Looks Like' This Is Your Blog Post! Oh hey, there's some news yestertoday, and it is that Jerry Falwell Jr. is going to go away to a beautiful farm upstate where he can run and chase chickens ALL DAY.
7. Senate Republicans Take Long Weekend To Decide If You Should Be Able To Pay Your Rent Tomorrow. Spoiler from the future! They decided not that!
6. The Bloodhound Gang And The Mystery Of Congressman Cowpies' Hidden DHL Receipt! A big mystery indeed, Liz. A big mystery indeed.
5. 'Boogaloo' Terrorism Suspect Now Also Charged With Possession Of Child Pornography. Yeah, you don't have to click this one, it's fine.
4. Calm Down, Y'all! Georgia High School No More Crammed Full Of 'Rona Than Rest Of State! And our intrepid whistleblower is no longer suspended. Suspended for being BOSS, THAT IS.
3. MSNBC Sends Chuck Todd Packing To Early Afternoon. He Won't Be Missed. Hey, did anybody miss Chuck Todd this week? No, right? Called it.
2. QAnon Idiots Marched On Hollywood To Demand Celebs Stop Eating Babies. Oh I'm so sorry I missed this over the weekend, when I did not work, how sad for me.
1. Trump Nominee Anthony Tata SO GROSS Even Republican Senators Said No. But guess who's the Senior Official Performing the Duties of Yadda Yadda Yadda now? You are smart.
And there you have Wonkette's top 10 stories as chosen this week by a paddock o fillies. Thank you for keeping Wonkette going forever, staffed by a perfect crew of perfection. Give us money we love you
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Now you may have some weird pictures of babies.
There, those have been some silly babies.
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