Why Won't Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Get A Cheap Men's Haircut, Wingnuts In Very Good Faith Want To Know!
The Washington Examiner, the source for all reliable information on socialism and what it is and is not, has issued a breathless report decrying Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez as a fraud who spent a completely normal amount of money for a haircut and lowlights in Washington DC and then was very nice to everyone in the salon afterwards.
Oh, the hypocrisy of it all! How dare she advocate for people in this country to have health care, or oppose policies that would hurt poor people, while simultaneously going out and spending her own money on a thing! Won't she be surprised when she goes to Canada or France or Germany or Italy or some other country where people have health care and other normal things, and finds out that everyone there is legally required to get the exact same $10 haircut. Bet she won't like "socialism" so much then!
The New York Democrat ventured into Last Tangle Salon on 19th Street Northwest last month and shelled out $80 for a haircut and $180 for lowlights, according to sources familiar with the salon.
A 20% tip would have added $52 to the bill.
Her stylist did not respond to a request for comment about the tip.
A staff member at Last Tangle Salon talked about the lawmaker as if she were a TV superstar, saying "AOC" was extremely nice and even took several selfies with patrons.
According to Yelp, Last Tangle Salon is a moderately priced salon. Also, according to me, a human woman who is also a socialist, not even sort of rich, and who also has to get her hair cut sometimes, it is a moderately priced salon — especially for Washington DC, which is an incredibly expensive place to live. Here in Chicago, where it is cheaper, I pay $65 for a haircut. I even paid $150 for a Devacurl haircut once to see if it was worth it (verdict: probably if I had kept up with it because they charge you less after the initial cut, but honestly I like the girl I go to now better). Women's haircuts are expensive! Lowlights and highlights are also expensive, especially if you, like AOC, have very long hair.
You know who should probably know that? Alex Swoyer, the reporter who wrote the piece and who also did not come by those highlights naturally:
To gain further insight on what an incredibly bad socialist AOC is, Swoyer asked the president of a right-wing non-profit group best known for its opposition to funding PBS and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting (probably because Big Bird is always talking about sharing like it's a good thing) to weigh in on AOC's similarities to Eva Peron:
"AOC is the Eva Peron of American politics. She preaches socialism while living the life of the privileged," said Richard Manning, president of Americans for Limited Government, referencing the former first lady of Argentina who was known for dressing in designer gowns and jewels while advocating a socialist agenda.
"There is nothing wrong with spending money to make yourself look better, especially as a personality who depends upon visual mediums for her power. But it is a bad look to spend hundreds of dollars to get your hair done to make a video decrying income inequality," Mr. Manning said.
It sure would be a bad look, if what Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez or any Democratic Socialist on earth were arguing for was for everyone to be super poor and miserable and for no one to be fairly compensated for their labor, instead of the exact opposite of that.
Swoyer then points out that if AOC were a true woman of the people, she could get Jeff Sessions's $20 haircut down at the taxpayer-subsidized Senate Hair Care Services barber shop, while also noting that men's haircuts usually cost a whole lot less than women's haircuts. I will give you a moment to take in the irony of a conservative newspaper advocating for government-subsidized haircuts.
Somehow I can't quite picture it! assets.rbl.ms
Why won't Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez just be a man?
What is it that we are supposed to take from this exposé? "Wow, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez got a moderately priced haircut, guess we shouldn't want any of the very good things she advocates for anymore! Let's go destroy the environment and then pay $3000 for an ambulance! Income inequality is great!" Or what? Is that what Alex Swoyer was hoping for when she first got this "scoop"?
Because the thing is — no one was exploited in the making of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's haircut. She did not exploit anyone to make the money she spent, and she compensated her stylist fairly for their labor. From a "socialist" standpoint, she did great.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse