Well, the reviews are in for President Joe Biden's first ever news conference, and they are just RESOUNDINGLY bad. For the journalists who asked the questions, not only what they asked, but what they didn't ask. For instance, you'd never have known COVID-19 was a worldwide pandemic had Biden not said at the beginning that he was upping his goal to get 200 million doses into arms by the end of his first 100 days.

The reviews for President Biden are just fine. Wonkette gave it three whore diamonds! (That is a high score.)

To really get a sense of just how perfectly fine the news conference was from the president's end, we should look to Republicans to see what their VERY REAL criticisms are. Surprise, but the losers ain't got much.

While journalists spent the entire lead-up to the news conference panting with their tongues out over whether or not Biden was going to do a gaffe, it was remarkably gaffe-free. Biden didn't even drop any F-bombs!

So it was that the RNC was left to highlight the only gaffe it could find:


OMG! President Biden must think he is 150 years old! What a senile! Definitely not just making a silly, self-deprecating joke about how he is #OldBalls.

Lest you think this wasn't a coordinated message, here is some unfuckable Hunter from the National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC), making the same trenchant observation.

You tried, Mike.

Stupidest Man On The Internet Jim Hoft thinks it is SICK that reporter Yamiche Alcindor called Joe Biden a "decent moral person" during one of her questions. Because one time she said some Trump voters are white supremacists! (Many of them, in fact, are!)

You don't give a shit about reading Jim Hoft's barely English blog post about that. We understand his outrage, though, because no matter what somebody thinks about Joe Biden's policies, we should all be able to agree as Americans that he is fundamentally evil at heart.

What was your problem with President Biden's presser, Ari Fleischer?

And Laura Ingraham?

Yeah, we miss the old days when instead of being over-prepared, the president just made up shit about drinking bleach, bragged about acing his dementia test, and came all over himself every time he talked about how F-35 airplanes were literally invisible.

Go fuck yourselves, the both of ya.

Whoever runs Sean Hannity's shitty blog interpreted Joe Biden cutting himself off literally because he was worried he was giving too many details as Biden "sputtering":

And finally, here are some Fox News idiots whining like little assbabies because Joe Biden didn't call on Fox News idiot Peter Doocy. "Peter Doocy is not Jim Acosta," Dana Perino said, not realizing how much she had just called Peter Doocy "not a real reporter."

Also note the chyron at the bottom. Before, the whining was because Biden hadn't held any news conferences yet. Now he's held one, which is 36 LESS THAN HOW MANY EXECUTIVE ORDERS HE'S SIGNED!

God, these people bore us. The end.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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