Pictured: A crime worthy of physical retribution.

We write a lot about terrible restaurant customers; it's kind of our thing. We would venture to suggest ours is somewhat of an expert opinion on this particular subject. As such, understand what it means when we say we may have actually found the worst restaurant customers in culinary history this week.

The aforementioned fuckbuckets come to us courtesy of Kiku Japanese Steakhouse in East Point, Georgia, in the Atlanta area. Kiku was the site of an actual, literal brawl between employees and customers that started over the most insane fucking thing we've ever heard: an employee smiling. No, seriously. That is not an exaggeration -- that is genuinely the reason the fight started.

Busboy Demonte Harrison was just doing his job cleaning tables on Mother's Day (every server reading this just reflexively shuddered, and we'll get to why in a couple paragraphs). He was smiling while he worked, and while it's astonishing anyone could possibly work in a restaurant on Mother's Day while smiling, good for him, right? Not so much, according to one female customer, who began berating him for having the temerity to act like he was happy to do his job. Harrison replied that it was his job to smile -- which is an entirely responsible response -- whereupon a male customer punched Harrison right in the fucking face.

Three other customers then attacked Harrison, at which point employees jumped in on his side (way to watch a co-worker's back) and a full-on brawl ensued, with other customers reportedly capturing footage of the fight on their cellphone cameras. Though no one was seriously injured, the violent asshat customers escaped. East Point police are currently looking for the world's most dickish four men and one woman.

Now, let's talk about why the sight of the words "Mother's Day" made servers quake with fear. Here's some free advice for potential restaurant patrons: do not go out to eat on Mother's Day. Ever.

No, we don't care that you love your mother very much and want to take her someplace special; you can do that the Friday/Saturday before, or the following Monday, or the next week, or literally any time that is not Mother's Day itself. That holiday is an absolutely unmatched nightmare of a shitshow. We've worked Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day (this is actually a fucking great shift, by the way), Thanksgiving, the Fourth of July, St. Patrick's Day -- nothing comes even remotely as close to as horrible as Mother's Day, both for restaurant employees AND customers. Whatever can possibly go wrong on that particular holiday will go wrong, in ways and to degrees you'd never imagine would be possible. DO NOT GO OUT TO EAT ON MOTHER'S DAY.

This has been a PSA from your friendly neighborhood Wonkette.

[ABC News]

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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