Two big things are happening today: A shocking political assassination in a tense Middle Eastern (or is it in Asia?) country, and a bunch of old assholes running around in the corn fields of Iowa. Of course, the peoples on the Internets have been trying to jigsaw these two disparate strands for most of the afternoon, especially for the Republicans. Basically, it's that the assassination of Bhutto and ensuing chaos is the best thing that EVER happened to McCain and Giuliani!

The pundits' math is that more chaos in the Middle East helps the stronger national security and defense Republican candidates. Because if the Bush Administration has taught us anything, we need a Republican in office to efficiently and discreetly resolve factious Middle Eastern conflicts.

So.

The lady's death helps John McCain, who's nearly in a dead heat with Mittens in New Hampshire and is going for a last minute push in Iowa, where he could get a second or third. McCain has been running as the foreign policy expert, a title he's earned by presciently insisting that the Iraq war was, is, and will forever be a smart move.

To a lesser extent it helps Rudy Giuliani. Don't see it yet? Allow me to respell his last name, and see if that helps: 9iu11iani. Now that Al Qaeda is claiming responsibility for Bhutto's assassination, Rudy can mention 9/11 over and over and over and maybe even over once more. He's been rapidly falling out of contention, so it could stop the bleeding. You know, bleeding -- like lots of people did on 9/11. Which was the day Al Qaeda attacked freedom and Jesus in New York. And Rudy was in that city that day, which, in case you forgot, was 9/11.