Yet Another Romeo Trying To Sweep Missouri's Woman Voters Off Their Slutty Feet! Oooh La La!
Okay, Missouri. We get it, you're a swing state with a lot of Republicans. Shit happens. But seriously, what the hell is going on with your state's GOP? Is it something in the water?
Once is a mistake.
Congressman Todd "LEGITIMATE RAPE" Akin
Twice is a pattern.
Governor Eric "Tied My Mistress Up Naked And Photographed Her To Keep Her Silent ALLEGEDLY" Greitens
Three times is a habit.
Senate Candidate Courtland "My Daughters Better Not Be Nail-Biting Manophobic Hell-Bent Feminist She Devils" Sykes
But four times? FOUR? COME ON PEOPLE!
If Missouri Attorney General Josh Hawley wins the Republican primary, he'll challenge Claire McCaskill for her Senate seat this coming November. McCaskill is one of the most vulnerable Democratic incumbents this cycle, running in a state that Trump won in 2016 by 18 points. Luckily, McCaskill has a secret weapon: All her opponents are idiots. She beat Todd Akin by 16 points in 2012 after his comments about magical uteruses which have "ways to shut that whole thing down" if a pregnancy results from a "legitimate rape."
That's a high bar. Josh, whatcha got for us?
You know what I’m talking about, the 1960s, 1970s, it became commonplace in our culture among our cultural elites, Hollywood, and the media, to talk about, to denigrate the biblical truth about husband and wife, man and woman. [...]
We have a human trafficking crisis in our state and in this city and in our country because people are willing to purchase women, young women, and treat them like commodities. There is a market for it. Why is there? Because our culture has completely lost its way. The sexual revolution has led to exploitation of women on a scale that we would never have imagined, never have imagined.
That's right, you filthy feminists. Jesus ordered you all to keep your knees together until daddy picked out a husband for you to lie under silently in the dark on Saturday nights, but NOOOOOO. You wanted to bone outside of marriage, and now the world is just one big brothel. Hope you're proud of yourselves, you lady pimps!
OR, politicians seeking higher office should have the judgment to know that the bigoted, anti-feminist nonsense you spew to your buddies at "Pastors in the Pews" is going to leak out and get played on constant loop. So if you want to be in the Senate, you quit talking like you're sitting around the campfire with the Promise Keepers vowing to Keep Your Women Pure. Could be that one!
FUN FACT: Missouri was admitted to the Union in 1820 as a slave state involving human trafficking "on a scale that we would never have imagined." Also, FUN FACT: Sexual exploitation of women long predates the sexual revolution. Also, ALSO FUN FACT: Go fuck yourself Josh Hawley!
We're sure Claire McCaskill agrees, but she is a classy lady Senator, so she says it nice-like.
And Josh Hawley is a Godbothering weaseldick, so he responds with a bunch of BS arglebargle.
Yeah, we just hate it when HOLLYWOOD and CULTURE hold us down and make us watch movies with fallen Jezebels having unnatural sex with mens who are neither Holy White Jesus nor their lawfully wedded husbands. More to the point, Josh Hawley has some nerve complaining about McCaskill taking out-of-state money when Club for Growth raised $10 million for his campaign, not to mention the millions of Koch PAC Ameros he's going to hoover up if he can shut the hell up long enough to get out of the primary.
As of now, Hawley remains the Republican to beat. Courtland Sykes's campaign seems to have run aground after his WOMAN MAKE ME A SAMMICH comments, but Austin Petersen, another of Hawley's primary rivals, has been making hay out of Hawley's gaffe.
Yeah, good luck with getting that nutjob to keep quiet. He got this far talking like he's at a tent revival, and he's not about to switch to secular English now.
Hawley and McCaskill were tied in the early polling before Hawley's comments, but we bet there's more crazy leaks where that came from. Can't wait to watch McCaskill kick this backwardass brat's ass!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.