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You Keep Playing Animal Crossing All Wrong. Tabs, Thurs., March 26, 2020

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Pennsylvania's unemployment numbers today are set to be double what the entire nation filed two weeks ago. Here we go kids, WHEEEEEEEE! (Inquirer)

Cheesecake Factory can't pay its rent. (Eater)

But this fucking dick will evict you if you're six days late on yours, after cutting your cable. Oh, yeah, he "apologized" (blamed an underling) and might run for mayor. GOOD LUCK FRIEND! :D (Allentown Morning Call)

Speaking of which, as I write this, the Wonkette Nation Reader Help Slush Fund has distributed $13,800 to 24 Wonkers and their families for help with bills, food, canned clams, those cakes we like, and rent, with more on the way. Pitch in if you are able! Email me at rebecca at wonkette dot com if you are in need!


Trump's pac is cease-and-desisting this anti-Trump ad because it's a very good ad.

Exponential Threat youtu.be

Maybe they will like this one better?


Well, nothing we can do about it now. — Politico

From at least 2005 to 2017, an office inside DHS, in tandem with analysts and supercomputers at several national laboratories, produced detailed analyses of what would happen to everything from transportation systems to hospitals if a pandemic hit the United States.

But the work abruptly stopped in 2017 amid a bureaucratic dispute over its value, two of the former officials said, leaving the department flat-footed as it seeks to stay ahead of the impacts the COVID-19 outbreak is having on vast swathes of the U.S. economy.

And more Politico! Obama left Trump an entire fucking 69-page "do this, dummy" on how to #pandemic, and Trump ignored. Couldn't have seen that coming. But you can't blame him, I mean look how boring is this Choose Your Own Adventure:

"Is there sufficient personal protective equipment for healthcare workers who are providing medical care?" the playbook instructs its readers, as one early decision that officials should address when facing a potential pandemic. "If YES: What are the triggers to signal exhaustion of supplies? Are additional supplies available? If NO: Should the Strategic National Stockpile release PPE to states?"

I mean, it doesn't even have any tits.

How the World's Richest Country Ran Out of a 75-Cent Face Mask. — New York Times

They're not reporting deaths from COVID-19 because there aren't enough tests to test live people or corpses. Can we at least get a count of pneumonia deaths? (Buzzfeed)

Don't be a fucking terrorist. You could face three to five years for coughing on people and telling them you have the rona. (NY Daily News)

Don't be a fucking terrorist. You could die in a shootout while you're trying to bomb a hospital. Sad.

How the Far Right Is Weaponizing Coronavirus — Rebecca Traister at New York mag (But these are just rhetorical terrorists.)

Here, have some too long, didn't finish from a Democratic pollster who wants Ds to understand how REVILED Trump is. (Atlantic)

Trump's DOJ killed a Walmart indictment. I haven't read this! Liz and Jamie say it's BAAAAD. (ProPublica)

Sorry for the short tabs today, dudes, I have been busy! And I will be busy some today also too!

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Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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