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You Still Have John McCain To Kick Around, Forever

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America's new Robert Byrd is John McCain, who will never be voted out of the Senate because Arizona Republicans arealso too old and confused and stupid to know what's happening, ever. Hooray for the ex-Maverick! It only cost Juan the last crumbs of his integrity and legacy, and it cost Cindy $20 million. But at least she gets to send Walnuts back to Washington and out of her way, while she drools over young Navy SEALs in an Rx haze. John McCain has handily defeated crazy teevee huckster J.D. Hayworth.


The relentless sleazy ads from McCain and Hayworth ensured that almost nobody even wanted to vote: Turnout for the primary was expected to be as low as 20%, with most estimating around 22% at best. This means it should be possible to put a very large and comical price per vote on what it cost the McCains to defeat an actual cartoon character.

Turnout at the polls was light for much of today for Arizona's primary election, which will set the field for November races ranging from U.S. Senate to local constable.

As they turned out to cast ballots, many voters said they were turned off by relentless and negative campaign advertising, saying the mudslinging distracted the public from important issues like the economy and illegal immigration.

Haha, yeah, why isn't anybody talking about illegal immigration, in Arizona?

Anyway, you can go to bed happy: You've still got John WALNUTS! McCain to laugh at for another six years, assuming his bullshit genes are strong enough to fend off death until then. And then he will return to Arizona to make some more hilarious commercials, looking for all the world like he has never once seen the Dr. Seuss desert all around him. [AZ Central]

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