Your 2018 Legislative Shitmuffin Of The Whole Entire Year Is ... JIM JORDAN!
You might be thinking, wait, there is a prize as coveted worldwide as the Wonkette Official Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year, and you're going to give it to Ohio bumblefuck idiot asshole Congressman Jim Jordan? Shouldn't that go to Mark Meadows or Devin Nunes or Louie Gohmert or Matt Gaetz or Paul Ryan or Bob Goodlatte or the whole rest of the House Freedom Caucus or (on the Senate side) Lindsey Graham or Tom Cotton or Chuck Grassley or Rand Paul or John Cornyn or ...
And the answer is yes, there are so many Republicans in elected office in the United States Congress who are the absolute worst, and if we had a few hundred awards to give out, each and every one of their special snowflake asses would be getting a participation trophy.
But we're going to go ahead and award it to Jim Jordan this time, for a couple of reasons. First of all, Devin Nunes won last year, and honestly, though we are certain he was an absolute shitshow behind the scenes, he just didn't grab our attention as much this year. How many times can one Wonkette write about a justice-obstructing congressman who may or may not have a Love Cow he goes on extramarital dates with before we get bored? (A lot.)
We're not going to give an exhaustive list of all the times Jim Jordan was an asshole this year. Five or ten examples should do.
Jordan was special and unique this year because, as he was going on Fox News and tweeting nonsense conspiracy theories about Deep State conspiracies at the FBI to frame poor Donald Trump, and as he was sitting in the United States Congress and screaming nonsense conspiracy theories at former FBI agent Peter Strzok and Rod Rosenstein and others, Jordan was ALSO desperately trying to distract America from how there are allegations that THOUSANDS of college-aged wrestlers at Ohio State University were sexually abused by the team doctor while Jordan was on the coaching staff, that Jordan knew about it, and that he did NOTHING. In fact, Jordan actively encouraged a cover-up of the scandal.
When news of the scandal broke, did Jordan suddenly find concern for the victims? Haha not really. Mostly he blamed the Deep State for doing witch hunts to him, we guess because his constant yelping about Hillary's uraniums or whatever, in his own mind, is getting TOO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH. Other times he seemed like he was just trying to keep himself from saying if those wrestlers hadn't been wearing such sexy singlets ...
Or something. We don't fucking know.
Let's look at a couple of the times Jim Jordan was a REAL pube rocket this year, and let's do it quick-style, by throwing some hilarious Wonkette headlines about Jim Jordan RIGHT AT YOUR FACE.
Wanna see Jim Jordan in all his glory? Here's a video of him doing his "job" in Congress, and it is seven full minutes of Jordan accusing Rod Rosenstein of lying and hiding information, other members of Congress intervening to say if they wanted to watch Jim Jordan jack off, they'd go to his press conference, Rosenstein basically calling Jordan a TV whore, and all other sorts of general nastiness. It is your government in action!
Wear your idiot crown proudly, Jim Jordan. You have done everything you possibly could to earn this coveted Legislative Shitheel award, and we are happy to give it to you.
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