There are very few things these days that bring us together as a nation. In fact, at this point, most of us don't even want to be brought together as a nation. But every once in a while something happens that everyone can agree is just absolutely fucking hilarious, and the last thing I can think of like that is the dismal failure of the 2017 Fyre Festival. Things going terribly wrong for a bunch of rich, beautiful people (as long as there is no murder), is kind of a thing everyone can get behind and enjoy.
It was so good. It was perfect. You had Fuck Jerry, an Instagram meme company or something best known for profiting off of other people's jokes, models and reality stars, Ja Rule for some reason, a bunch of Instagram influencers who were gonna pay thousands of dollars to swim with pigs on Pablo Escobar's island while listening to the song stylings of Blink-182! And it all fell apart, in an unbelievably satisfying train-wrecky way for all the viewers at home.
There was no water! Nowhere decent to sleep! No toilets! Rain! Busses full of Instagram people complaining about all of those things in videos! Blink-182 canceled!
It was such a perfect garbage fire that it resulted in not one but two documentaries. One on Hulu and another on Netflix, which we all felt kind of dirty watching because of how it was produced by Fuck Jerry, but which we all watched anyway because Instagram influencers crying about toilets and no Blink-182.
Then the guy who made it all not happen, Billy McFarland, got sent to jail for fraud for six years.
Now, we all have a chance to relive that magic ourselves, as an online auction company is auctioning off a bunch of Fyre Festival merchandise seized by the U.S. Marshals Service.
Like this hat! You could have this hat! For $300!
Yes, this very hat. A black baseball cap with the logo of the Fyre festival on it, which I definitely could not make for you with some supplies from Michael's (though it would look snazzy in puffy paint IMO). Though to be fair, this could probably be considered an investment purchase, like a Birkin Bag or a Beanie Baby, that you could buy with hopes of reselling later for even more money. And real collectors would know it was a fake without the official "Made In Bangladesh" signature on the inside tag.
Although if you ask me, for $300 it should come with swimming pigs and Blink 182 and the cryogenically frozen head of Pablo Escobar.
For slightly less, you could have a Fyre Festival t-shirt or sweatshirt!
And for slightly less than that ... sweatpants!
Because it's definitely not as if you could go and just get all that shit made on RedBubble or anything.
I swear to god, I probably would bid on one of the cheaper items, because it would be hilarious, but the AP reports that the proceeds from the sale will be going to their "victims." And I just don't feel good about that. I do not think Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner need my money. And sure, not everyone who bought tickets and tried to go was a billionaire. The other people were aspiring Instagram influencers who got screwed, and that is sad for them, but also they are not exactly at the top of my list of charity cases.
Anyway, enjoy your inevitable shopping spree and also your open thread, which this is.
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