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The only worthwhile event in Washington all summer is finally happening this weekend: TheR[EVOL]UTION MARCH, in support of failed presidential candidate Dr. Ron Paul, in which he will be joining the most Paultarded of Paultards in a march along Constitution Ave. -- that, my friends, is not an accident -- to the Capitol, which they will firebomb with flaming crossbows. We will proudly be attending this Saturday. Details!


The fun begins at 9:30 a.m. Saturday morning, according to the official website, on the Ron Paul Blimp (the Washington Monument -- it's a spaceship):

We will be promoting this as a family event. We will be assembling to March at the Northeast Quadrant of the Washington Monument and marching down Constitution Ave. toward our rallying point at the West Side of Capitol Hill. A fun idea is to have people dressed colonial style, and also dressed as our Founding Fathers, to lead the march. We hope to have Dr. Paul lead us in the march. We intend to wave posters of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, along with various other related banners and signs. We plan to pass out pocket copies of the Constitution and to hopefully organize a picket in front of the Federal Reserve Building at the same time as the March.

Please GOD.

You can volunteer to be a Marshal, too! Don't forget your chant sheet:

Marshals might want to bring:

* A pad and pen.

* A pocket map of D.C.

* A bullhorn if you happen to have one.

* A wristwatch.

* The event schedule.

* "Chant" sheet.

Alas:

What nobody should bring.

The many security agencies in DC take their jobs very seriously. We don't want any weapons or anything that might be used as a weapon. This includes but is not limited to:

* Firearms.

* Knives worn ourside your clothing.

* Sign-posts made out of wood or metal (use cardboard tubes instead).

* Glass or metal containers. Plastic bottles only.

* Beach umbrellas or shade tents (parasols are OK).

* Alcohol.

Goddamnit. Wonkette videographer Liz Glover and I will be attending (Oh, Liz, I need to e-mail you -- there's this Paultard March in D.C. on Saturday and we should probably go), and we have no intention of going sober. So if you're also insane want to get shitfaced with Liz and me at like 9 a.m. Saturday morning, and either there is some bar open at 9 a.m. or you have a house to offer, please let us know (jim@wonkette.com) and we can have a full-fledged Wonkette Party. Then we can go to the March and pass out in Ron Paul's arms (or just vomit and see Wall-E or something).

Here is a pirated version of Wall-E:

[Revolution March]

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