Your Monday Nice Time: Chris Wallace Yells At Eric Cantor For Failing at Congress


"Why is Congress full of morons, Eric Cantor? Why does it suck so very very hard, Eric Cantor? Why is attempting to repeal Obamacare your go-to solution for just about every pressing problem facing the American people, Eric Cantor? Aren't we heading for a major disaster because you guys are too busy playing grabass to actually get down to the work of real governance?"

Excellent questions! And would you believe us if we told you that they were asked by none other than Fox News' Chris Wallace?

Yes! Really! And we have video to prove it!

It starts with a tight shot of Eric Cantor's smarmy mug, and him saying something about cutting all the "regulation coming out of this town," and you think to yourself, MY GOD WHY AM I WATCHING FOX NEWS. But then BAM! Chris Wallace jumps in and is all, "are you an idiot, or are you counting on the fact that I won't call you an idiot on the air, because it is Fox News?"

Chris Wallace: you talk about creating jobs, you talk about growing the economy, but you have spent the last week in the House on passing your agenda, a series of bills called Stop Government Abuse... Is what you’ve been doing the best way to spend Congress’ time when you’re about to go on a recess for five full weeks? Rightly or wrongly, none of these bills you’ve passed is going to become law. Here is what Democratic representative Elijah Cummings has to say about how you've spent the last week.

They then jump to a clip of Democratic representative Elijah Cummings bitching and moaning about how Republicans spent the last few months with their thumbs up their butts instead of passing reasonable legislation.

Chris Wallace: is what you've been doing the best way to spend Congress' time when you're about to go one recess for five full weeks?

Cut to a shot of Eric Cantor, looking annoyed that he must deign to answer such trivial questions because DUH, OF COURSE this is not the best way to spend Congress' time, but he did not assume he would have to admit as such on Fox News.

Eric Cantor: First of all Chris, government does not create jobs.

(Said the man with a job working for the government.)

Eric Cantor: The private sector does. And what we have going on today is a real erosion of confidence of the American people in their government and the economy. The bills we brought to the floor this week...stop bureaucrats from passing massive regulations that impede our businesses to grow [sic, because it is making us sic.] Let's think about the people who are out of work because they don't have the appropriate skills for our economy--that's what those bills were about this week, Chris, and the problem is, we don't get bipartisan support. We passed a law that said bureaucrats shouldn't be allowed to get excessive bonuses right now, Chris, people ought to know that their taxpayer dollars are being spent wisely. These are the kinds of things that can rebuild the confidence longterm...

Chris Wallace: But rightly or wrongly, none of these bills that you passed are going to become law.

Chris Wallace has not apparently got the memo that instructed him to judge Congress on what they don't pass, rather than on what they do, so bear with him!

Chris Wallace: Your own members say they’re not going to pass the Senate, the president won’t sign them. Let’s talk reality. You haven’t passed the Farm Bill. You’ve only passed four of the twelve appropriations bills you’re supposed to pass. We face a government shutdown and a debt limit in the fall. Again, is this the best way to spend your time, passing bills that aren’t going to become law? With so much unfinished business why not stick around instead of heading off on vacation...

Eric Cantor: You’ve got the president out giving campaign speeches again, as if we’re in the middle of the election again.

Chris Wallace: Tend to your own knitting. You could pass a Farm Bill. You have the power of the purse! Only four of the twelve appropriation bills have even passed. Why not do what the House is supposed to do?


Eric Cantor: A Republican majority for the first time says, ‘We don’t like the way things have always been done in Washington.' That’s exactly what we’re trying to change. What we need to have happen is leadership on the part of this president and the White House, to come to the table finally and say we’re going to fix the underlying problems that’s driving our deficit. We know that is the entitlement programs and the unfunded liability they’ve leaving on this generation and the next.

Chris Wallace: You don’t have common ground with the president and you don’t have common ground with the Senate Republican leadership. Aren’t we heading for a train wreck?

Yes, actually, we ARE heading for a train wreck, thank you for pointing this out, Chris Wallace! Perhaps your network could -- and this is just a thought -- stop encouraging these assholes so we don't end up experiencing this theoretical train wreck?

But in the meantime, if you can't swing that, at least keep yelling at them for our entertainment.



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