Your Official Guide On Hounding Trump Regime Losers EVERYWHERE THEY GO
THAT'S RIGHT IDIOT GO AWAY
Hey, stupid Betsy DeVos, what are you doin'? Oh, now that your unqualified face has been confirmed as the Education secretary, you think you should go visit a school for the first time in your life? What, you want to sell the kids some Amway and tell them about how Jesus rides dinosaurs all the time? Yeah, well some protesters decided that you ain't get to do that!
Here, enjoy a video of a protest of Betsy DeVos, billionaire right-wing idiot lady who bought her cabinet position, trying to walk into Jefferson Middle School in DC, and being too dumb and bad to find her way around like five protesters:
Sec. DeVos physically blocked by protesters from entering DC school--turned away and left. Unclear if she attempted another door. @ABC7Newspic.twitter.com/buNgmOJbya
— Sam Sweeney (@SweeneyABC) February 10, 2017
“Keep giving money to senators and buying your way to the position,” one man holding a Black Lives Matter sign says to her, according to a video from ABC reporter Sam Sweeney. “I hope you’re proud of yourself."
“Go back,” the protestor yells and she enters the car. “Shame! Shame! Shame!”
So like, the guy yelling "Shame!" was yelling it by himself, and we think his protest-y friends should have joined in, so he wasn't just some guy yelling "Shame!" by himself? Maybe that's just us. The Hill reports that DeVos got into the school eventually, after she ran away to her SUV lookin' like some kinda scaredy-pants idiot.
Oh look, here are some parents and former teachers protesting DeVos's visit to the school, because everybody hates Stupid Betsy DeVos:
Betsy DeVos to arrive in less than 30 min. Parents and retired teachers now walking to front door of Jefferson Middle in SW, DC. @wusa9pic.twitter.com/AaoK208R2Y
— Mikea Turner (@MikeaTurnerTV) February 10, 2017
Remember we were just telling you about that AMAZING town hall Thursday night, where over a thousand of GOP Rep. Jason Chaffetz's constituents got in his face to make him feel bad for being born? This shit is working, you guys! And it got us to thinking about how all the members of the Trump regime should be literally hounded everywhere they go, but NOT VIOLENTLY. We know it might be more tempting to just hurl a shoe at them, like that Iraqi guy did to George W. Bush (whose flexibility in ducking the shoe impresses us TO THIS DAY), but violence is bad, and also the "NOT TOUCHING, CAN'T GET MAD, NOT TOUCHING, CAN'T GET MAD!" method of sustained protest works better over the long run anyway.
In that spirit, here are some ideas for where you might run into various members of the Trump regime, and what you might say to annoy them when you see them:
- If you see Attorney General Jeff Sessions out lookin' like a racist Looney Tunes character from hell, ask him why Elmer Fudd didn't use a rubber when he banged Sessions's mom and made her pragnet.
- If you see Steve Bannon, feasting on newborn baby heads, take pictures, call him every name in the book, but do not punch the Nazi, unless you can't hold back, in which case we are not your real dad.
- If you see Mike Pence at the Cracker Barrel pretending he's not staring at some cute waiter's ass, just scream "ARTICLE 25!" at him repeatedly. At some point, it will dawn on his dumb little brain that if he does Article 25, he will become the president. Pence is very stupid, though, so this will have to happen to him regularly.
- If you see Jared Kushner, tell him to hire a fucking babysitter for his father-in-law while the Jewishes are off doing Jewish things from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Also tell him he'd be a lot cuter if he wasn't evil.
- If you see Ivanka, tell her she makes ugly clothes, and solemnly swear if she lets her dad do anything to hurt the LGBT community, the gays will abandon her hair and make-up the way they did to Kellyanne.
- If you see Kellyanne Conway drunkenly lurching through TJ Maxx for a five dollar clearance blouse from the Ivanka collection, just chase her around a while calling her a liar and a sycophant and a soulless human being, or jump up and down saying "CASH ME OUSSIDE, HOW BOW DAH!" repeatedly, but remember she's known to throw 'bows when she gets pissed off, so be prepared.
- If you see Ben Carson stopping a robbery at the Popeyes Organization by telling the robber to rob the guy behind the counter, by all means, let him be a hero! When that's over, inform him that his brain is broken and try to convince himself to go to the hospital and get his brain fixed.
- If you see Sean Spicer buying all the cinnamon gum from the gum store, politely ask Melissa McCarthy for her autograph and tell her what great work she's been doing!
- If you see Michael Flynn, tell him you've "discovered" the "real" location of "Hillary's child sex ring," and that if he just follows this one million mile trail of Lucky Charms, he too can find "Hillary's child sex ring" at the end of the rainbow. That should occupy him for the rest of his natural life.
- And finally, if you see Donald Trump himself, if you are a lady, say Russian to him and pretend like you're going to do some wee. If you are a man, just jeer at him and call him a pussy. Whatever.
Any other ideas? Say them in the comments, what are not allowed!
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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