Your Sweetheart Needs Scary Panties For Valentine's

Wonkers, please to have your Official Reminder that if you want romantic panties (with teeth!) for your damsel for Valentine's Day, you must order them by anytime tomorrow (Thursday, we guess), in order to get them on time through the US Mails. All right! Good post! Let's look at what else you can buy for your sweetheart!

You can buy him or her a coffee cup with Barack Obama on Mt. Rushmore. This is an excellent romantic gift, as he or she will doubtless masturbate all over it.

Also too, the same with the Smoking Joe cups. These are best for all the moms in your life, who can imagine he is kissing their faces (and calling them "Mom"). Fapping? YOUR MOM was, LAST NIGHT!

We dunno, there is some other stuff too, hats and iPhone cases and T-shirts and whatnot, all designed by our ex-boyfriend/art director, who works for hugs. Go buy some shit, y'all. (You could especially buy the Kitten With a Whip cup, or the "The One" cup, as we could stand to get rid of them.) And for an extra fiver, we will giftwrap it too!


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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