Your Weekly Ten Is NOT Gonna Let That Fucker Trump Ruin Christmas

Oh hi, it is the weekend now. As you are reading this, Donald Trump has either committed the Saturday Night Massacre on a Friday, or he hasn't, we do not know, because we are at one million Christmas parties. If he HAS, then fuck! If he hasn't, read this post and BE READY. OK, it is time to count down top 10 stories!

We'll count them down in a sec, but first MONEY PARAGRAPH with a SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! If you currently subscribe to Wonkette via Amazon, you need to know Amazon has fucked yr Wonkette and deleted our account for "reasons." So please to go re-sign up with either PayPal or Stripe? Thank you we love you! 

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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. Trump Hands Kirsten Gillibrand Knife, Begs Her To Chop Off His Peener. CHRIST, what an asshole.

2. Sarah Huckabee Sanders’s Press Briefing Was Fuckin’ Weird Today. Well it was.

3. Roy Moore Supporters Just Dunning-Krugered The Hell Out Of This Focus Group. They sure did!

4. … And The Fucking Horse Roy Moore Rode In On. The election results post where we found out DOUG JONES WINNED!

5. How Did Trump Family Survive All This Time Without People Reminding Them To Breathe? Come to think of it, maybe they DO pay somebody to remind them.

6. Let Us Frolic In This Bath Of Right-Wing Tears, Alabama Senate Election Edition. Hooray!

7. Trump Officially Less Popular Than Ass Lice, And We Have Women To Thank! Thanks, women!

8. Tomi Lahren So Mad At All Those Roy Moore Accuser Ladies, She Could Just Scream! Oh, Tomi!

9. Fox News And GOP Expose Robert Mueller As Kenyan Obama Gay From Hillary-Town, It Is Just So Obvious. The GOP/Fox attacks on Robert Mueller are EXHAUSTING, but they're also very important. What did we say above about paying attention and being ready to hit the streets if we have a Saturday Night Massacre?

10. DOUG JONES WINS, ROLL TIDE, And Also, We DAMN WELL TOLD YOU SO! We damn well did!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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