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Your Weekly Top Ten Asks Unanimous Consent To Give You This Raspberry

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And that's the truth!

It is your WEEKLY TOP TEN, and we let Evan out of writing it this weekend because he is doing all the liveblooging forever and we do not want his typing fingers falling off! Above is Yr Wonkette preschooler's thoughts on "impeachment hearings." They are not necessarily Chris Matthews-specific thoughts. Yr Dok Zoom remembers doing a giant jigsaw puzzle with his mom while the Watergate hearings were on TV, and apart from some senators nattering about "specificity," which seemed like a funny word to a ten-year-old, not a heck of a lot more. (It was a scene of the French Quarter in New Orleans, with many flowering vines that made a third of the jigsaw pieces look all the same. Fiendish.)


Before we count down the top ten stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent, and Wonkette preschooler may or may not be sticking out her tongue and going thppppppppppbbbbt at you right now.

Also too, check out the Wonkette Flea Market for all your much-needed impeachment accessories, like the snazzy IMPEACH hat, to bring pizzazz to any hearing you might find yourself attending. Or t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. GO, SHOP, BUY. A nation's economy, or at least our mommyblog, depends on you!

And now here are your Top Ten Wonkette stories, chosen this week by John Flansburgh and John Linnell of They Might Be Giants. (We are just making that up. It was really Beyoncé, as usual):

10: GOP Lawyer Steve Castor's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

9: 'Anonymous' Says Trump More Bugf*cking Dumbstupid Than You Ever Knew, But You Knew That Already

8: It's Impeachment-Eve-Thirty, Motherf*ckers! Let's Remember What Trump's Ukraine Scandal Is Really All About.

7: How Are GOP Idiots Defending Trump's Ukraine Crimes Today?

6: The 876,601 Stupidest Things Fox News Said About Bill Taylor And George Kent

5: Dean Cain Sucks.

4: Lt. Col. Alex Vindman's Testimony Just Reminded Us Of Something That PISSES US THE F*CK OFF

3: Trumpists Demonstrate Lack Of Rhythm/Self-Awareness With YouTube Rapping Contest

2: Sorry I Freaked Out At You Guys Last Night

1: Live On ALL CHANNELS, It's The Trump Impeachment! (Liveblog, Day One!)

Those are all really good stories! You should go read them again! Or for the first time!

That's it, Vaya Corn Doggy, and we love you xoxoxoxo

Love,

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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