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HEY-O! Weekly top ten back in town!

So yeah, you might have thought we had abandoned doing your top ten, but it's just that we've missed a few Fridays, which is when we usually write this thing. We moved into a new house last weekend, and then before that it was Thanksgiving and then before that we forget. Our point is that holy shit this week was terrible and crazy and we are pretty sure by the time you read this we will be hibernating. (Except we have two Christmas parties this weekend and a brunch and ... OK what we are trying to say is that we are very popular.)

Shall we count down the top ten stories? We shall!


Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Let's Talk About The Trump Boys' Psychosexual Issues: A Christmas Nightmare!

9. Really, Neil DeGrasse Tyson?

8. Rudy Giuliani Knows How To Cyber

7. Robert Mueller Just Saying Michael Flynn Sold ALL Y'ALL FUCKERS OUT, OH MY LORD

6. North Carolina Election Fuckery Just Got Fuckier

5. Liz Cheney Knows What You Girls Want, And It Is MORE DICK!

4. The Week In Garbage Men: MGTOWs Declare War On 'Cucked' Dr. Pepper.

3. Does Donald Trump Appeal To Men With Peener Insecurity? NYU Did Science To It!

2. Trump Ruins George H.W. Bush's Funeral, By Sitting Down At It

1. And Now, A Confused U.S. President Wandering Off A Stage He Wasn't Supposed To Leave

Yay, good stories! Fucking crazy week!

Oh, is there anything else?

Just more pics of the Wonkette toddler, that's all:

Yay!

OK now this post is over.

Go with God,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Photo by Wonkette Operative 'Teecha'

If it's Sunday, this must be Nice Things, our weekly escape from the quotidian awfulness. Our featured doggo this week comes via a photo by Wonkette reader "Teecha," and we don't think Teecha mentioned a name for this lovely old rescue dog. If it is a dog at all: I think it may actually be one of Sia's more inventive disguises, like that time she was a little pony.

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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