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HEY-O! Weekly top ten back in town!

So yeah, you might have thought we had abandoned doing your top ten, but it's just that we've missed a few Fridays, which is when we usually write this thing. We moved into a new house last weekend, and then before that it was Thanksgiving and then before that we forget. Our point is that holy shit this week was terrible and crazy and we are pretty sure by the time you read this we will be hibernating. (Except we have two Christmas parties this weekend and a brunch and ... OK what we are trying to say is that we are very popular.)

Shall we count down the top ten stories? We shall!


Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Let's Talk About The Trump Boys' Psychosexual Issues: A Christmas Nightmare!

9. Really, Neil DeGrasse Tyson?

8. Rudy Giuliani Knows How To Cyber

7. Robert Mueller Just Saying Michael Flynn Sold ALL Y'ALL FUCKERS OUT, OH MY LORD

6. North Carolina Election Fuckery Just Got Fuckier

5. Liz Cheney Knows What You Girls Want, And It Is MORE DICK!

4. The Week In Garbage Men: MGTOWs Declare War On 'Cucked' Dr. Pepper.

3. Does Donald Trump Appeal To Men With Peener Insecurity? NYU Did Science To It!

2. Trump Ruins George H.W. Bush's Funeral, By Sitting Down At It

1. And Now, A Confused U.S. President Wandering Off A Stage He Wasn't Supposed To Leave

Yay, good stories! Fucking crazy week!

Oh, is there anything else?

Just more pics of the Wonkette toddler, that's all:

Yay!

OK now this post is over.

Go with God,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Oh good, Jared Kushner decided to pick today to come out from the hidey hole where he back channels with Russians and the Saudi Murder Prince while lustily fingering the security clearance unlawfully procured for him by an unelected president.

That's just super.

It was at the Time 100 event, not because Jared was on the Time 100 this year, but we guess because he was on it in 2017. His profile back then was written by Henry Kissinger, who predicted he would be a "success." We guess this happened during a part of the event called "The Time 100's Biggest Bloopers, OMG" ... oh wait, hold on, Wonkette has just been informed that Time was being serious when it invited Jared.

Our bad.

Say something stupid in reaction to the release of the Mueller Report, J-Kush:

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We swear that John Cornyn is an honest-to-goodness US senator. Yet this is what the Texas Republican (or at least his campaign team) is tweeting while serious people are discussing impeaching the president.

Team Cornyn's tweet quickly found itself a resident of Ratio-ville, where the presiding mayor is Howard Schultz. But why did this crack team of political savants scour Twitter for old-ass tweets from one of the new Mads on "Mystery Science Theater 3000"? Is Patton Oswalt running for Senate? He's certainly more fit for office than Donald Trump. No, apparently, the comedian is just a supporter of a Senate candidate. Democrat MJ Hegar just launched her campaign today to unseat Cornyn in 2020, and Team Cornyn's rapid response was to attack someone who once said nice things about her. Seriously, they have no other connection.

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