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Your Weekly Top Ten Did A Blue Wave This Week, DID YOU SEE IT?

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OK ACTUALLY WE DIDN'T DO THE BLUE WAVE BY OURSELVES. But hey you guys, we won! No, we didn't win ALL OF IT, because it never works that way, but despite how things are #rigged against us (you know, with real rigging, like voter suppression and gerrymandering), we got the biggest gains for Democrats since WATERGATE. Weird, huh, it's almost like they might have something in common, oh well, guess we'll never know what is.

Recycled picture of our dog above because we dunno, Editrix is in quote unquote "Mexico" or something like the common King of Mexico.

Anyway, we are asleep now until Monday, so shall we count down your top ten stories of the week? Si se puede!


Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Trump Is Handling The Loss Of The House Exactly As Well As Expected

9. James O'Keefe Caught Beto's People Feeding The Hungry, And Ted Cruz Is PISSED

8. If Congressman John Lewis Can Dance His Ass Off, So Can You!

7. FUCK YOU I'M DRUNK

6. Deleted Comments. Trump Doesn't Encourage Violence. It's All Anita's Fault!

5. Very Civil Militia Man Just Promising Murder Spree If We Don't Vote How He Wants Us To

4. Chronically Wrong Person Claims He Knows What Women Want.

3. Of Course The Guy Who Shot Up A Yoga Studio Was An Incel With A History Of Assaulting Women.

2. CHIN UP, FUCKERS! We Have Only Just Begun To Win So Much We'll Get Sick Of Winning

1. Here's Hoping Donald Trump Has A BAD FUCKING NIGHT. Your Midterm Results Liveblog!

Hooray, what a week!

OK that's all we have to say in this post, goodbye.

Love,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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