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Your Weekly Top Ten Did A Blue Wave This Week, DID YOU SEE IT?

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OK ACTUALLY WE DIDN'T DO THE BLUE WAVE BY OURSELVES. But hey you guys, we won! No, we didn't win ALL OF IT, because it never works that way, but despite how things are #rigged against us (you know, with real rigging, like voter suppression and gerrymandering), we got the biggest gains for Democrats since WATERGATE. Weird, huh, it's almost like they might have something in common, oh well, guess we'll never know what is.

Recycled picture of our dog above because we dunno, Editrix is in quote unquote "Mexico" or something like the common King of Mexico.

Anyway, we are asleep now until Monday, so shall we count down your top ten stories of the week? Si se puede!


Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Trump Is Handling The Loss Of The House Exactly As Well As Expected

9. James O'Keefe Caught Beto's People Feeding The Hungry, And Ted Cruz Is PISSED

8. If Congressman John Lewis Can Dance His Ass Off, So Can You!

7. FUCK YOU I'M DRUNK

6. Deleted Comments. Trump Doesn't Encourage Violence. It's All Anita's Fault!

5. Very Civil Militia Man Just Promising Murder Spree If We Don't Vote How He Wants Us To

4. Chronically Wrong Person Claims He Knows What Women Want.

3. Of Course The Guy Who Shot Up A Yoga Studio Was An Incel With A History Of Assaulting Women.

2. CHIN UP, FUCKERS! We Have Only Just Begun To Win So Much We'll Get Sick Of Winning

1. Here's Hoping Donald Trump Has A BAD FUCKING NIGHT. Your Midterm Results Liveblog!

Hooray, what a week!

OK that's all we have to say in this post, goodbye.

Love,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Good morning, America! Attorney General Bill Barr is doing a presser at 9:30 AM EDT about the Mueller report, which nobody will be able to see until around noon or after, once Congress gets the redacted report on CDs. Seeing as that is bullshit, there's no reason to watch this thing, as journalists won't be able to ask him questions about a document they haven't seen. So ... go back to bed, everyone!

Ugh, fine, we guess we will do this, and that is because we care, even though we are quite certain HGTV is doing some kind of very important "Property Brothers" marathon that adds much more of value to the national discourse, and also covers it up with shiplap accent walls. Does Bill Barr do cover-ups with shiplap? No, because he doesn't have the good taste for that.

Reportedly, we are going to hear from Barr why certain things were redacted, including why he thinks certain facts are subject to executive privilege, which is funny because he is not the president and therefore cannot invoke executive privilege. But oh whatever! Details! Robert Mueller won't be there and none of his team will be there, which tells you something about how they feel about this whole process. If they felt like this was on the up-and-up, you'd imagine they might show up to present a united front. As that is not happening, assume the entire thing is a bullshit act meant to help Donald Trump set the narrative for what will otherwise be a very bad day for him.

The New York Times reported last night that the White House has already been briefed on significant portions of the report, because Bill Barr is a rightwing scam artist piece of shit who gives the Trump White House reacharounds. The briefings have reportedly been very helpful for the White House in coming up with how to rebut today's report, which is funny because we thought Trump said this report was a full exoneration, NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. (Actually nope on both counts, since Mueller didn't decide the obstruction question, and even according to Barr's mash notes, he took a very limited view of the conspiracy question, focusing on the Russian government's hack and dump WikiLeaks operation.)

Anyway, assuming Trump is right about full exoneration, we guess Rudy Giuliani's rebuttal will state that Trump is guilty, full stop. Because that's what "rebuttal" means, correct?

Committee chairs in the House including Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters have called upon Bill Barr to cancel today's briefing, as it is useless horseshit. Because Barr literally gives zero fucks about his reputation and apparently is OK with going down in history as a fecal stain on our institutions and the rule of law, the show will go on.

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Now What? Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 18, 2019

Bill Barr's book report, the NRA is doomed, and Johnny Cash will watch over the Capitol. Your morning news brief!

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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