HALLOWEEN!
Hey-o, Saturday Wonkers! It's the last weekend before the election, which means we are in for our first woman president, Hillary Clinton, or this is the end of America as we know it, because enough of the country is too fucking stupid to put pants on without getting them stuck on their heads, which means they voted for Donald Trump. Let's not focus on that. Let's look at the picture above you, of Wonkette Baby Donna Rose dressed up like a grown woman for Halloween! And if you are very good and do everything we tell you to do in this post, there will be a picture of Wonkette Niece in one of her two (2) Halloween costumes.
BUT FIRST! We will shake you up for donations, because GRRRR THIS ELECTION, and yr Wonkette is not allowed to look away, therefore you should love on us and have sympathy. So please to throw $5, $10, or $25 at our faces? It is the easiest. You pull out your wallet and you give us money. OR you pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. OR you could just do one of our "ad-fewer" subscriptions, where you only see glorious in-house ads, from our actual friends, instead of yucky-nasty ads that take over your Obamaphones.
Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, which can technically count as Halloween Costume Number Two (2) for her! She will help you decide how to give us money!
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!
1. Dear FBI: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?????
2. Let's remember the day Anthony Weiner's dick exploded all over Hillary Clinton's emails.
3. James Comey must do the GOP's bidding, in order to save America from the GOP!
4. Hillary Clinton literally could not believe this shit, the day after Comey's dumbass letter dropped.
5. Meanwhile, Donald Trump literally jizzed his pants when that happened.
6. James Comey strikes again. And again. And again. And again. And again ...
7. This hero military expert dude could NOT stop LOLing at how fucking dumb Donald Trump really is.
8. Meanwhile, Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi threw ALL THE SHADE at dumb James Comey.
9. Jezebel apparently thinks it's HILARIOUS when puppies die.
10. OMG HILLARY CLINTON CALLED YOUNG VOTERS "FUCKING DUMB"! LOL JUST KIDDING NO SHE DIDN'T!
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories. They are very good stories!
OK, Wonkers, one more thing! Wonkette's US Elections Of America card game is finally here! Click here to read our unbiased review of it, and find out how you can get your own, to play with! Also, there are one million Wonkette Baby pictures in that post, so go read it for that, if for no other reason!
Oh, and sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW. Sorry, we guess that was a second "task."
Thank you for following our orders! As a special treat, here is your picture of Wonkette Niece on Halloween!
Oh yeah, that's a 'Walking Dead' costume. Take that, PEOPLE DRESSED AS BUNNIES.
OK now go away, and GO VOTE IF YOU HAVEN'T, RIGHT NOW, FOR GOD'S SAKE, PLEASE. Unless you can't early vote, in which case make an alcoholic beverage and curl into a ball on your sofa and watch HGTV.
Love,
Wonket
