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FLY, ZEBRA, FLY!


OH HI AND GOOD SATURDAY MORNING, WONKETARIAT! It is time for your weekly Saturday top ten list, where we count down all the stories you clicked on THE MOST this week, but first, you need to watch this video of Wonkette Baby FLYING LIKE A ZEBRA. Now, you may have gone through your entire life being sad because you thought zebras could not fly, but now, we have evidence that your sadness was for no reason, because ZEBRAS CAN TOO FLY:

OK, we will do the countdown in a minute, but first is time for will you please give us dollars? If you love us and want to help keep Wonkette going strong through the upcoming election and after, won't you toss us $5, $10, or $25 as a special love gift? It is the easiest. You pull out your wallet and you give us money. OR you could just do one of our "ad-fewer" subscriptions, where you only see in-house ads, like the static ones for our t-shirts or whatever and that's it, and in exchange you help us out with "dollars" on a monthly basis, and we help us out by feeling less guilty about all our crap ads, which you won't even see anymore, because you are a super-special top secret subscriber!

Here, while you decide which of those options is best for you, it is the traditional picture of Wonk Baby as a scary lion:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.

Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!

1. Phyllis Schlafly dead now.

2. We are all still very sexcited that when Hillary is president, we will get to have taco trucks on EVERY SINGLE CORNER.

3. Oopsie, Jill Stein flew her aeroplane to THE WRONG CITY for a rally, silly Jill Stein!

4. Roger Ailes is a bigger sex perv than you EVER imagined, and you have a really dirty imagination so that's sayin' somethin'!

5. San Antonio district attorney is going to put all the vaccines IN JAIL!

6. Here are some reasons we made up why Greta Van Susteren peaced the fuck outta Fox News all of a sudden.

7. Obama's Labor Day executive order helped American workers, therefore it is totally un-American.

8. Surprise, but the dude who wants to deny us taco trucks on every corner is a TOTAL scumbag.

9. Last week's Deleted Comments was about your fucking potty mouth, which means you are obviously a Democrat.

10. And finally, this Indiana lady is pretty sure her "religious freedom" says she gets to beat her kids. She seems nice!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories. They are very good stories!

OK, Wonkers, you have one task left, and it is an important one. You need to sign up for clean wind and/or solar from Arcadia Power. It takes three minutes and THERE IS A FREE VERSION. Why is it free? We don't know, maybe they want to bogart the market or something. If you pay the power bill at your house or apartment, you can use Arcadia Power, no matter which terrible PG&E services your hood. The EPA says it works, you will help stop climate change, and your Wonkette gets a small cut! Let's help you help us help the earth! (And us.)

Oh, and sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Sorry, we guess that was a second "task."

 

You are so well-behaved, the way you do the things we tell you to do. As a reward, here are a couple more Wonk Baby pictures:

Byeeeee, enjoy the rest of your weekend and stuff!

Love,

Wonket

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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