Your Weekly Top Ten Features Wonkette Baby PLAYING WITH A DOLLHOUSE!
Picking out rooms for her minions to live in, probably.
OH HELLO WONKERS, COME IN, SIT A SPELL, SIT TWO SPELLS IF YOU WANT! It is time for your weekly Saturday top ten list, where we count down all the stories you clicked on THE MOST this week. Aren't you excited? Yes, you are, because it is the weekend!
OK, we will do the countdown in a minute, but first, you know we've been having a huge fundraiser this week. And even though it is winding down, we still need to keep asking, all the time, because Wonkettes Is 'Spensive! So, if you haven't given everything you have, and you can spare it (do NOT give if you cannot afford it), and if you love us SO MANY YOU CAN'T EVEN, won't you toss us $5, $10, or $25 as a special love gift? It is the easiest. You pull out your wallet and you give us money. OR you could just do one of our "ad-fewer" subscriptions, where you only see glorious in-house ads, from our actual friends, instead of icky ads that make you feel bad.
Here, while you decide which of those options is best for you, it is the traditional picture of Wonk Baby as a scary lion:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.
Oh, and please read the love notes (money asks) written by Evan (ME), Dok and Rebecca, if you haven't already. We legit really do love and appreciate every single one of you.
Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!
1. If you are a woman, you are not a feminist no more, because you are in sex love with THIS GUY, and he doesn't like feminists.
2. This disgusting "alt-right" guy wants to dox the girl Brock Turner raped. Surprisingly, it's not the same guy from story #1.
3. All that shit Donald Trump said about his big important intelligence briefings? Probably horseshit.
4. Trump also pretty sure that mean black lady pastor in Flint, Michigan, SET HIM UP!
5. That Ivanka Trump didn't like all the mean, hard-hitting journalism questions she got from Cosmo magazine.
6. Don't have time to read all of Newsweek's huge investigation into Donald Trump's foreign money connections? Here's the most important part.
7. Godly Ohio ex-mayor pretty sure the 4-year-old he was raping was into it, uggggggggggggggggh.
8. Donald Trump doesn't want debate moderators, because they might ask him questions.
9. Know how we have been having a fundraiser around here, because things got really financially scary all of a sudden? We might have mentioned it! Read all about it, so we can all keep it from happening again, and then please consider Give Us Money.
10. And finally, OMG DRUDGE SIREN IS THE DNC GOING TO REPLACE HILLARY WITH A HEALTHIER CANDIDATE OMG OMG OMG OMG? (No.)
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories. They are very good stories!
OK, Wonkers, you have one task left, and it is an important one. You need to sign up for clean wind and/or solar from Arcadia Power. It takes three minutes and THERE IS A FREE VERSION. Why is it free? We don't know, maybe they want to bogart the market or something. If you pay the power bill at your house or apartment, you can use Arcadia Power, no matter which terrible PG&E services your hood. The EPA says it works, you will help stop climate change, and your Wonkette gets a small cut! Let's help you help us help the earth! (And us.)
Oh, and sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Sorry, we guess that was a second "task."
You are so good at doing the stuff we tell you. Want another baby picture, from the Seattle drinky foody gathering thingie? HERE'S ONE:
Byeeeee, kisses, hugs, love-pats, all the things!
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.