Your Weekly Top Ten Features Wonkette Baby WITH HER PUPPY DOG
Look, it is Donna Rose with one of her PUPPY DURGS!
OH HEY SATURDAY WONKERS! Are you the same Wonkers as the weekday Wonkers? We don't even know, because we're not here right now, which means you aren't even reading this! Anyway, it is time for your weekly top ten list, of the top ten stories you've clicked on THE MOSTEST, for you to read and catch up on all the things you might have missed during this week!
But first, you know we had that huge fundraiser last week. But we still need you to Give Us Dollars, because keeping Wonkette going is ongoing and 'spensive! So if you love us and need us through this election and after, won't you toss us $5, $10, or $25 as a special love gift? It is the easiest. You pull out your wallet and you give us money. OR you pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. OR you could just do one of our "ad-fewer" subscriptions, where you only see glorious in-house ads, from our actual friends, instead of icky ads that make you feel bad and terrible and sad and filled with ennui.
Here, while you decide which of those options is best for you, it is the traditional picture of Wonk Baby as a scary lion:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.
Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!
1. Donald Trump's new "pro-life" adviser pretty sure far too few women die in childbirth these days.
2. When you get a racist rant on your Obamaphone from a rabid Trump supporter, what should you do? MAKE IT A CAMPAIGN AD!
3. Let's throw back to a simpler time when Brangelina was still a thing and Alex Jones was ranting about what a globalist she-devil Angelina Jolie is.
4. That weird Tomi Lahren lady wants you to know that, hey, yeah, Terence Crutcher's death was a tragedy, but also sometimes black people are mean on Twitter. So.
5. The New York Times ACCIDENTALLY did some journalism, y'all. Oops!
6. Hillary Clinton's back on the campaign trail, hasn't toppled over dead yet.
7. North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory is failing SO HARD right now, and we think that's funny because fuck him.
8. "Pick-up artists" NOT VERY ARTISTICALLY raped some ladies, and then bragged about it online.
9. Donald Trump was just about as excited about the Chelsea bombing as you'd imagine.
10. This new Trump ad is long and painful and terrible, and we watched the whole thing so you don't have to.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories. They are very good stories!
OK, Wonkers, you have one task left, and it is an important one. You need to sign up for clean wind and/or solar from Arcadia Power. It takes three minutes and THERE IS A FREE VERSION. Why is it free? We don't know, maybe they want to bogart the market or something. If you pay the power bill at your house or apartment, you can use Arcadia Power, no matter which terrible PG&E services your hood. The EPA says it works, you will help stop climate change, and your Wonkette gets a small cut! Let's help you help us help the earth! (And us.)
Oh, and sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Sorry, we guess that was a second "task."
You are so good at doing the stuff we tell you. Here are more pictures:
Want a bonus one, of us with Wonkette Niece, who will be THREE soon? Fine then:
Now go with God! Or kittens! Or whomever you go with! Fuck if we know.