Your Weekly Top Ten Found ALL THE VOTER FRAUD!
Hey-o, Saturday Wonkers, did you see our happy funtimes post about all the people around U.S. America doing voter fraud, by voting early for Hillary Clinton, and thus against Donald Trump? ILLEGAL! INPEACH!! Yeah well anyway, do you see that picture above? It is Wonkette Niece wearing a sticker that says she voted, which is unpossible because she is only two years old. Newsflash, everyone: toddlers are NOT supposed to vote, and we are going to file a complaint. Just kidding, her mom voted, and she gets to wear the sticker, because toddlers get to wear the sticker. It's kind of a thing.
Yr Wonket also got to wear the sticker, because we voted early for the first female preznit too. President Trump would never allow something like "voting for a chick," would he?
So yeah. It's your top ten post. We'll do the stories in one moment, but first you need to give us money and you need Hillary Clinton "nasty woman" t-shirts and onesies and tote bags. Wonkette has JUST ENOUGH STAMINA to make it through the election, but we want to persevere long after that, so if you love us so much, won't you throw $5, $10, or $25 at our faces? It is the easiest. You pull out your wallet and you give us money. OR you pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. OR you could just do one of our "ad-fewer" subscriptions, where you only see glorious in-house ads, from our actual friends, instead of yucky-nasty ads that take over your AOL browser.
Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness. She helps you give us money, with her cuteness!
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.
And oh yeah, also too, NASTY WOMAN T-SHIRTS! And coffee mugs! And onesies! And other things! Click here to BUY THEM ALL.
Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!
1. That badass Michelle Obama speech. WATCH IT FOR THE FIRST TIME OR THE TENTH TIME, just watch it.
2. HAW HAW, Julian Assange's internet got shut off. Did Hillary do "Comcast" to him? No, Ecuador did!
3. Did you watch the third and final presidential debate? Well you haven't REALLY watched it unless you've read Wonkette's Liveblog!
4. The stupidest people on the internet went postal over some dude who says he rips up absentee Trump ballots. Yup.
5. That Trump idiot Kellyanne Conway cannot believe Hillary Clinton's not beating her dumb boss by MORE points!
6. Hillary Clinton doing a dance-off with that dude Ken Bone on the Ellen teevee show is THE BEST.
7. Did Donald Trump grope one of the contestants on "The Apprentice"? MAYBE! (Probably.)
8. Barry Bamz Obama brings the sexy in this badass ad for Hillary Clinton.
9. Last week's Deleted Comments was about HYPROCROCY and PET PEAVES.
10. And finally, this one Delta flight attendant wanted to know, is there a doctor on this plane? NO, A WHITE DOCTOR, PLEASE.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories. They are very good stories!
OK, Wonkers, one more thing! Wonkette's US Elections Of America card game is finally here! Click here to read our unbiased review of it, and find out how you can get your own, to play with! Also, there are one million more Wonkette Baby pictures in that post, so go read it for that, if for no other reason!
Oh, and sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW. Sorry, we guess that was a second "task."
Thank you for following our orders! As a special treat, here are new pictures of Wonkette Baby, since Wonkette Niece and Wonkette Evan bogarted the space above, in order to pressure y'all's asses to vote.
OK now GO VOTE if you can early vote already, and GO AWAY even if you can't. Or stay here. Don't care.