Oh hey, TOP TEN POST! Oof, we are tired. Can we just say nothing to you besides hey look, Wonkette Toddler got a haircut, isn't that cute, and just tell you the top ten stories of the week?

Yes we can, because we are the boss of you.

Also hit the donation button below, because Wonkette is a NO ADS, NO SOROS BUX place, which means we are 100 percent funded by YOU! So please fund us. It's February, which is the time of the year where things get li'l bit tight. Thank you we love you.

Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. VINDICATED! Donald Trump Didn't Do ANY Crimes That One Time! (Perhaps! Allegedly! MAYBE.)

9. If These Aren't Nice Things, I Don't Know What Is!

8. The Week In Garbage Humans: It Has Been A TERFy Ass Week

7. Tucker Carlson Explains Cold Weather Breaks Wind

6. Ralph Northam Continues Digging Self Into Michael Jackson Shaped Hole

5. Tulsi Gabbard Being Weird As Fuck Again

4. Trump Data Guru Idiot Brad Parscale: No Srsly, A Idiot!

3. We Read All 284 Pages Of BuzzFeed's Trump Tower Moscow Documents, And Now We Hate Everybody In This Story

2. Let's Liveblog Nancy Pelosi's Facial Expressions While Some Dipshit Pretends To Be President

1. Dad Who Natural Remedied Child To Death Would Like To Sell You Some Natural Remedies

There you go! Those are good stories!

OK that's it, GOODBYE.

Love,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Wonkette is the ONLY NEWS ON THE INTERNET. Please give us money RIGHT THERE BELOW if you want us to live FOREVER.

How often would you like to donate?

Just once Monthly

Select an amount (USD)

$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000