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Oh hey, TOP TEN POST! Oof, we are tired. Can we just say nothing to you besides hey look, Wonkette Toddler got a haircut, isn't that cute, and just tell you the top ten stories of the week?

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Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. VINDICATED! Donald Trump Didn't Do ANY Crimes That One Time! (Perhaps! Allegedly! MAYBE.)

9. If These Aren't Nice Things, I Don't Know What Is!

8. The Week In Garbage Humans: It Has Been A TERFy Ass Week

7. Tucker Carlson Explains Cold Weather Breaks Wind

6. Ralph Northam Continues Digging Self Into Michael Jackson Shaped Hole

5. Tulsi Gabbard Being Weird As Fuck Again

4. Trump Data Guru Idiot Brad Parscale: No Srsly, A Idiot!

3. We Read All 284 Pages Of BuzzFeed's Trump Tower Moscow Documents, And Now We Hate Everybody In This Story

2. Let's Liveblog Nancy Pelosi's Facial Expressions While Some Dipshit Pretends To Be President

1. Dad Who Natural Remedied Child To Death Would Like To Sell You Some Natural Remedies

There you go! Those are good stories!

OK that's it, GOODBYE.

Love,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Hello! Here a beautiful open thread for you to not comment all over, so that you don't not comment all over Dok's book club post.

I was gonna drop my Nonnie's recipe for Easter bread in here, but apparently it has to proof overnight and is also for approximately 87,000 people, so not much of a point to that! (Though here it is if you really want it. She doesn't do the egg thing, but if you want, you can put some dyed raw eggs in the braided dough before you bake. And you can add sprinkles, and anise if you're gross and like gross things) I was gonna try and make it myself last night, but have instead opted to just make waffles. Waffles are FINE.

So instead, I shall just leave you with this absolutely terrifying version of The Velveteen Rabbit starring Marie Osmond as said velveteen rabbit. Coincidentally, Marie Osmond is also Nonnie's 2nd arch-nemesis, after Rachel Ray (Rachel Ray because she doesn't pull her hair back when she cooks, and Marie for reasons I'm not entirely clear on but which I believe are related to a Weight Watchers commercial).

THE VELVETEEN RABBIT starring Marie Osmond - full length feature youtu.be


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'Unemployed men queued outside a depression soup kitchen opened in Chicago by Al Capone' -- National Archives

Happy Day Before Half-Priced Easter Chocolate Day, Wonkers! Time to wrap up our Wonkette Book Club discussion of Winter War: Hoover, Roosevelt, and the First Clash Over the New Deal, by Erich Rauchway, a historian at UC-Davis. We're increasingly convinced the book might have just as well been titled Herbert Hoover: Christ, What An Asshole! As ever, even if you haven't finished the reading, jump in anyway -- there won't be a test!

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