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Greetings, it is a Saturday in Trump's America, which means the biggest story is that Amy Klobuchar ate a salad with a comb one time and according to some she was a REAL stinker about it. That is definitely for real some important stuff, and that is the end of our thoughts on that! (Maybe that is not the top story. LOL wouldn't know, we write top ten on Fridays!)

Anyway, Editrix is still down in Mexico, as you can see in the pictures of Wonkette Toddler doing Mexico things in this post, and she would like you to know that she IS TOO WORKING and is NOT SECRETLY AT A SANDALS IN JAMAICA EATING BON BONS IN AN OVER-WATER BUNGALOW. (Or is she?????? Nah.)

(OR IS SHE????)

(Nah.)

Anyway, it is time to count down the top ten stories! (OR IS IT?) (Nah.) (Oh wait, it is!)


Also hit the donation button below, because Wonkette is a NO ADS, NO SOROS BUX place, which means we are 100 percent funded by YOU! So please fund us. It's February, which is the time of the year where things get li'l bit tight. Thank you we love you.

Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Eric Trump Gonna Tell His Deadbeat Dad You Called His Deadbeat Dad A Deadbeat Dad

9. Elizabeth Warren Sending Her Aunt Bee To Give EVERYBODY Childcare!

8. Protesters Declare Donald Trump The REAL National Emergency

7. CNN Hires Trump Staffer With No Journalism Experience To Run 2020 Coverage

6. Relax, Everyone: Robert Mueller Is Not DUMPING YOU, Just Kidding Maybe He Is (OR MAYBE NOT!)

5. We've Asked This Before, But WHAT FUCKING SECRET IS PAUL MANAFORT WILLING TO DIE IN PRISON TO KEEP FOR TRUMP AND RUSSIA?

4. The 'God's Not Dead' People Made A Movie About Abortion, And Boy Is It Ever Full Of Lies

3. Trump Own Goals The Libs On Twitter. Again.

2. BREAKING: Trump Dumber Than Dry Dogshit, Jeff Sessions Racist As Fuck

1. Did Two Syphilitic Raccoons Just Fuck Each Other To Death In The Rose Garden, Or Was That Just Trump's Brain?

There you go! Those are good stories!

One more pic, of Donna Rose playing with the awesome toy they keep in the restaurant which means they have gone to this restaurant ALL OF THE TIMES:

OK that's it, GOODBYE.

Love,

Wonkette

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Alex Díaz de la Portilla on Facebook

Alex Díaz de la Portilla, former Florida Republican state senator, is in hot water over a leaked WhatsApp chat log that appears to show campaign workers chatting about destroying or disappearing absentee ballots filled out for the candidate's opponent in the nonpartisan county election, according to the Miami New Times. Díaz de la Portilla ultimately came in third in the May 2018 special election for a seat on the Miami-Dade County Commission, so even if some of his people did deep-six some ballots, it didn't apparently help him. Clearly, these pikers could have learned a lot from the experts in North Carolina about electoral fuckery.

Still, you have to appreciate just how brilliantly Díaz de la Portilla plays the role of a local pol accused of just a teensy bit of ratfucking.

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Photo: Tony Webster, Creative Commons license 2.0

Under the Trump administration, the Environmental "Protection" Agency has adopted the vital mission of doing everything it can to prop up the dying coal industry, largely because 1) Coal CEO Robert Murray is among Donald Trump's best billionaire buds and 2) every last trace of Barack Obama's presidency must be eradicated. To that end, the New York Times reports the EPA is now planning to "change how it calculates the health risks of air pollution," to make it easier to reverse Obama's "Clean Power Plan" regulations and replace them with far dirtier air, for coal company fun and profit. It's remarkably similar to another bit of EPA fuckery from December, when the agency decided it was no longer "appropriate and necessary" to regulate mercury emissions from coal-fired power plants, claiming that the costs of regulating the neurotoxin was very very burdensome and wouldn't provide any real savings by comparison. In both cases, fucking around with the math and redefining pollutants as No Big Deal are at the heart of the agency's claims that coal plants can spew more pollution without doing any harm.

Now, before you freak out, we will not be making you do math. Stop whining, you. Rather, we just want to highlight once again how Team Trump changes the definitions of things to give a great big benefit to dirty energy while insisting that it's "protecting" the environment.

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