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OK HI WONKERS WE ARE BUSY because we have a really big weekend of concert festival-ing ahead of us, starting with last night (which is "tonight" for us, since we write this on "Friday"). By the time you read this, we will have already attended CHVRCHES and Dave Matthews Band shows, and also we don't know what else. And if you are the type of person who judges people for going to Dave shows, we are the type of person who literally does not fucking care what you think.

Anyway, TOP TEN POST! And pictures of the Wonkette Toddler, who is literally a model now!

But before we count down the stories, your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Ready to count down the top stories? Yes, you are.


Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Who's Trump Trying To Get Killed Today? Doctors, Nurses, New Moms Get Your Bulletproof Vests

9. Open Thread: Let's Talk About The False Dmitris!

8. RUSSIA, IF YOU'RE LISTENING ...

7. Let's Mock Jacob Wohl Some More, Because Fuck That Guy

6. Rod Rosenstein Crashes The Plane

5. Oh Nothing, Just The FOX NEWS JUDGE Calling Trump A Fucking Criminal

4. Even Fox News Hates Fox News Now

3. Pack It In Ladies, This Incredible Douche Has Determined That Feminism Has FAILED

2. Mazie Hirono Dickpunches Bill Barr In The Teeth, Doesn't Even Say 'Aloha'

1. Hey Bill Barr! Robert Mueller Is PISSED. You Got Somethin' To Fuckin' Say For Yourself?

Hooray, those are very good stories!

More pics of the fashion model Wonkette Toddler:

OK that's all, goodbye, go with God, etc.

Love,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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