GRANDBABY
OH HEY WONKERS! How is your Saturday morning? Ours is fine, though we are tired after another week in the hell of Trump's America. Oh well. But we have many funny stories to share for your weekly top ten post! And we have many pictures of Wonkette Grandbaby to share, and if you are good and scroll all the way down (obeying the orders in the donation paragraph obviously) we will post them all!
Wait, who said "donation paragraph"? Oh yes, that was we, yr kindly Wonkette, and we need your money dollars. You see, we have no ads. NONE. Remember back when we had ads and they ate your browser and made your grandma cry a lot? God that sucked! But we got rid of them, and that means YOU, LITERALLY ALL OF YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, pay our rent and our paychecks and our other things and stuff. And we're trying our best to keep up with the fucking Trump regime, and in that spirit we're taking on more writers, which costs $$$$, and we want to take on EVEN MORE! So please please please do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
For instance, you could alsopurchase our sexxxy blue baseball caps. One of them says "Hell. No." and the other says "Literally Anyone Else 2020." See?
Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is Wonkette's Top Salesperson of the Month when it comes to shaking you down for donations/buying stuff:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. Sure you guys, it is JUST AWESOME how people are shitting on Kamala Harris right now, you bet.
2. Oh go fuck yourself, Glenn Greenwald.
3. A Breitbart guy was triggered so hard by the current cover of Vogue, he fell over dead. But don't worry, he got better!
4. Jill Stein decided to kick herself in the nads some more talking about North Korea.
5. Speaking of North Korea, Donald Trump initially responded to the scary news about their nuclear weapons by ... bitch-tweeting about Hillary Clinton.
6. Old President Lazy-Ass is on a 17-day vacation, because he doesn't have the stamina of Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton.
7. When Trump promised to rain down fire and fury on North Korea, we decided to rain down KITTENS on Wonkette.
8. Sounds like all James Comey's FBI buddies have LOTS of #TrumpSecrets to tell Robert Mueller!
9. Robert Mueller to Paul Manafort: KNOCK KNOCK, MOTHERFUCKER!
10. And finally, some Men Going Their Own Way did some REALLY INTERESTING penis math about how if you laid all the dick their not-girlfriends had taken in their lives end-to-end, it would be a long line of dick.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:
