Your Weekly Top Ten Has Survived The First Day Of The Trump Regime (We Think)
Yo Wonkers, did you all survive Friday's inauguration? Good. We'll be checking in each day until the inauguration in 2021, when President Al Franken Corey Booker Kamala Harris Jesus Christ or whoever takes office. We will make it. Si se puede! Come back, Bamz, come back right now! Save us, Angela Merkel and Justin Trudeau! Go to hell, Donald Trump!
Anyway. It's time for your first top ten post of the Trump regime, but first we need to make questions at you about how much dollars you want to give Wonkette, so we can hold that fucker accountable and call him on his shit. Will you throw $5, $10, or $25 at our faces? Or we even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations. Seriously, if you are able, then pull out your wallet and throw money on our face, for to resist Trump! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. OR you could just do one of our "ad-fewer" subscriptions, where you only see glorious in-house ads, from our actual friends, instead of yucky-nasty ads.
Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is going to march in the Women's march in DC like a lady today, because she IS a lady!
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, because she has decided to continue in her post as Wonkette Traffic Counter, even in the Trump administration:
1. That Trump inauguration poem was SO DUMB! There was no inauguration poem! It was a hoax! But it sure was funny while it lasted!
2. The Trump inauguration attendance was YOOGE, by which we mean lame and shitty. Here's a story from earlier in the week about how they couldn't give the damn tickets away and were MAYBE trying to pay seat fillers.
3. Good GOD, Trump Education nominee Betsy DeVos is an idiot.
4. In his last news conference of his presidency, Barack Obama trolled Donald Trump by explainering what "freedom of the press" means.
5. Some old dude was arrested, just for grabbing this lady town worker by the pussy. UNFAIR!
6. Tiffany Trump and her mom thought it would be cool to offer their stylists "exposure" instead of dollars, for beautifying them for the inauguration.
7. Hey, let's LOL at this dumb idiot Trump lady who's begging Trump to protect Planned Parenthood because she apparently didn't pay attention to his whole campaign.
8. Kellyanne Conway got all triggered by how mean John Lewis was to Trump, and now she is in her safe space.
9. That sweet old British spy? HE WAS FUCKING TRYING TO SAVE US BUT NOW WE CAN'T BE SAVED.
10. And finally, hey white ladies, 4Chan would like to meme some babies right into your womb!
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories, according to Beyoncé!
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Thank you for following our orders! We don't have new Wonkette toddler pictures, so here are some of the dumbest/most grotesque ones from the inauguration, and we BET editrix will have some nice pictures from the Women's March later today!
And here is one of the Obamas leaving us, because SOB!