Yo Wonkers, did you all survive Friday's inauguration? Good. We'll be checking in each day until the inauguration in 2021, when President Al Franken Corey Booker Kamala Harris Jesus Christ or whoever takes office. We will make it. Si se puede! Come back, Bamz, come back right now! Save us, Angela Merkel and Justin Trudeau! Go to hell, Donald Trump!

Anyway. It's time for your first top ten post of the Trump regime, but first we need to make questions at you about how much dollars you want to give Wonkette, so we can hold that fucker accountable and call him on his shit. Will you throw $5, $10, or $25 at our faces? Or we even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations. Seriously, if you are able, then pull out your wallet and throw money on our face, for to resist Trump! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. OR you could just do one of our "ad-fewer" subscriptions, where you only see glorious in-house ads, from our actual friends, instead of yucky-nasty ads.

Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is going to march in the Women's march in DC like a lady today, because she IS a lady!


We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, because she has decided to continue in her post as Wonkette Traffic Counter, even in the Trump administration:

1. That Trump inauguration poem was SO DUMB! There was no inauguration poem! It was a hoax! But it sure was funny while it lasted!

2. The Trump inauguration attendance was YOOGE, by which we mean lame and shitty. Here's a story from earlier in the week about how they couldn't give the damn tickets away and were MAYBE trying to pay seat fillers.

3. Good GOD, Trump Education nominee Betsy DeVos is an idiot.

4. In his last news conference of his presidency, Barack Obama trolled Donald Trump by explainering what "freedom of the press" means.

5. Some old dude was arrested, just for grabbing this lady town worker by the pussy. UNFAIR!

6. Tiffany Trump and her mom thought it would be cool to offer their stylists "exposure" instead of dollars, for beautifying them for the inauguration.

7. Hey, let's LOL at this dumb idiot Trump lady who's begging Trump to protect Planned Parenthood because she apparently didn't pay attention to his whole campaign.

8. Kellyanne Conway got all triggered by how mean John Lewis was to Trump, and now she is in her safe space.


10. And finally, hey white ladies, 4Chan would like to meme some babies right into your womb!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories, according to Beyoncé!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

Thank you for following our orders! We don't have new Wonkette toddler pictures, so here are some of the dumbest/most grotesque ones from the inauguration, and we BET editrix will have some nice pictures from the Women's March later today!

And here is one of the Obamas leaving us, because SOB!




Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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It started with them damn hats. (Image: Wikimedia Commons)

A guest post by "Knitsy McPurlson," which we suspect is not a real name.

Yr Wonkette is not the only website run by brilliant peoples unafraid to poke people with sharp, pointy sticks. – a website for knitters, crocheters, and other folks interested in textiles and fiber arts – is poking people with knitting needles, which are very sharp indeed.

This past weekend,'s founders showed the world how easy it is to de-platform white nationalists and racists when they banned all "support of Donald Trump and his administration" from their website, concluding they "cannot provide a space that is inclusive of all and also allow support for open white supremacy." Seems like people smart enough to decode a knitting pattern are also smart enough to decode Trump's not-so-hidden message of racism and white nationalism.

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One day, God willing, my grandchildren will click open their history textbooks and read about the Central American migrant internment camps. They'll learn about sick kids, locked in cages, kept hungry and dirty and cold for weeks on end, and they'll be horrified.

"Bubbie," they'll say, "how could this happen in America? How could there be toddlers sleeping on the ground without blankets, without soap or toothbrushes to clean themselves?"

"I don't know. I wish I had done more. I'm ashamed," I'll say. We will all have to answer for this atrocity. But some of us will have to answer more than others. Not just the archvillains like Stephen Miller and John Kelly, but the people who kept right on doing their jobs, even as those jobs morphed into defending concentration camps.

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