Your Weekly Top Ten Is All Het Up About Melania's Prayer To The Lord!
This is not Melania, and she is not praying.
OH HI WONKERS. How is it shaking? Are you still very angry about how Melania Trump said a prayer to the Lord last weekend? Wait, you never were mad? Oh well. That's the top story of the week, which you will learn when you read the top ten list, posted below!
But first, let's beg for money. Remember how we murdered all our shitty ads, and now are completely supported by READERS LIKE YOU? It's splendid, ain't it? But in exchange, we need you to give dollars and subscription moneys and things! Will you throw $5, $10, or $25 at our faces? Or we even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations. Seriously, if you are able, then pull out your wallet and throw money on our face, for to resist Trump! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Or do a subscription! Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
Want another reason to give dollars? What if we told you that it is EDITRIX REBECCA'S BIRTHDAY? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?
Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who likey the money for her mommy's birthday!
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, who is double pragnet:
1. Melania Trump did the Lord's Prayer, and liberals either were mean, or they were outraged, or maybe it was neither.
2. Wherein we lovingly encourage GOP Sen. Susan Collins to subpoena the FUCK out of Trump's taxes.
3. Here's Jake Tapper, telling literally everything to fuck off.
4. A nice Fox News lady helped creep-ass Trump adviser Stephen Miller understand how that weird "checks and balances" thing works.
5. Joni Ernst ran away from her constituents like a hog running away from Joni Ernst's castratin' clippers.
6. Uncle Sam loves Donald Trump so much, he's paying for his many vacations!
7. CPAC really didn't think Milo's gross comments about adults having sex with kids were very funny. The beginning of a very shitty week for Milo!
8. Ruh-roh, did Ivanka Trump forget to pay her taxes?
9. Last week's Deleted Comments was about how Kellyanne Conway is smokin' hot or something.
10. And finally, Mike Pence and Paul Ryan can GETTTTTTTT FUUUUUUUUUCKED.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé The Pragnet. They are very good stories!
Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT: