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Time for the super fastest rocket speediest top ten of EVER! Because you know why? Momma handed Evan the keys to the Jeep for all next week, because she is on vacation, and that means I AM BOSS OF ALL Y'ALL NEXT WEEK. That means I gotta drink up this weekend, I mean rest up, so I can BOSS YOU ALL.

Also, above you will see a picture of the most vicious Lula dog ever, and also her drool on the nice ottoman. She is rude.

Shall we count down the top ten stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé? Yes we shall:

10. Laura Ingraham Lets Her Tiki Torch Fly

9. Halp! Halp! The NRA Is Bein' Repressed!

8. What Horror Awaits As Soon As Trix Goes On Vacay? An Important Wonkette Poll Of Importance!

7. Congratulations On Being Born, Robert Mueller! We Made You An Elegant Blingee!

6. Imagine Needing To Rewrite History To Feel Good About Yourself

5. Polling Funtimes! HELL YEAH

4. Prions! The Proteins That Eat YOU!

3. Deleted Comments: How Many Lies Can One Wingnut Tell?

2. We Think We Know The Real Reason Trump Is Losing His Shit Over The Mueller Investigation Right Now

1. White Supremacists In Stupid Outfits Descend On Portland, For Whatever Reason.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, like we mentioned above, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT. If you need more convincing, check out this story right here, about how it is THAT TIME OF THE MONTH, the one where we really need you to help us make ends meet.

Let's see ... anything else? NOPE.

OK this post is over now, goodbye.

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Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Y'all saw that crazy shit that happened at the White House today when Chuck 'n' Nancy went to visit Trump to talk about averting a government shutdown, and Chuck 'n' Nancy ended up playing foosball with Trump's face while he screamed "WALL!" over and over again? It was so great.

During the meeting, Trump interrupted Pelosi a whole lot, and she responded by not giving a fuck and making fun of him to his face about how all she does is win, while Trump was left to whine about how nobody ever talks about how "he" won the Senate for the GOP. (The Senate election schedule, which heavily favored Republicans in the 2018 midterms, won the Senate for the GOP.)

When Pelosi walked out of the White House, she looked like some kinda badass spy walking away at the perfect moment, right before the building explodes. (We are not saying Nancy Pelosi blowed up the White House! OK fine, she did it WITH VOTES.)

But Pelosi's day of dick-punching Trump right in his orange face was not over!

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James Alex Fields mugshot

This morning, after spending Monday hearing victim impact statements, the jury in James Alex Fields's trial -- which on Friday found him guilty on all 10 counts he was charged with -- delivered their sentencing recommendations.

For the murder of Heather Heyer, the Charlottesville jury gave Fields a life sentence and a fine of $100,000. For each of the three charges of aggravated malicious wounding, they sentenced him to 70 years and fines of $70,000. For each of the five charges of malicious wounding, 20 years in prison and fines of $10,000, and nine years for the hit and run. All in all, this comes out to a life sentence plus 419 years and $480,000. Judge Richard Moore accepted the jury's verdicts, but will hold off on officially sentencing Fields until March 19.

Keep reading... Show less
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