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OH HI WONKERS HI! It is time for your first top ten list of the new year, where we count down the top posts of the week for you, because we are nice like that. But first, just watch the video above, of Michelle Obama's last official speech as first lady. She cried, we cried, you will cry, but it will be in a good way, and by "good" we mean bittersweet, because we'll never have another like her, and also because literally in two weeks, our first lady will be Ivanka Trump and sometimes Melania if she's not already filed divorce papers. HAHA YOU ARE CRYING NOW.


We will do the top stories in a minute, but first, HEY DONATION PARAGRAPH HEY, will you donate us moneys? Will you throw $5, $10, or $25 at our faces? Seriously, if you are able, then pull out your wallet and throw money on our face! OW, OW, THAT IS OUR FAVORITE! Anyway, you can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. OR you could just do one of our "ad-fewer" subscriptions, where you only see glorious in-house ads, from our actual friends, instead of yucky-nasty ads.

Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who requires love offerings:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!

1. Elizabeth Warren and her pals introduced a hilarious bill, just to screw with Donald Trump's Richie Rich cabinet picks.

2. Sad! Kellyanne Conway is out there panhandling for her own salary! Weak!

3. Surprise, Edward Snowden didn't leak that stuff because he was a hero, he leaked because he was being a fucking millennial who was mad at his boss, awwwwww.

4. Unceremoniously knocked up Bristol Palin got pissed off about a thing.

5. That lady what went on the racist rant at Michael's in Chicago "broke her silence," about how she is tired of being discriminated against for being white.

6. Why won't the Democrats hate abortion and gays a lot more? This idiot asked. We answered.

7. Donald Trump said he was going to tell us all about the secret 400-pound hacker who hacked the election, in a non-Russian way. Guess Trump was lying about that too.

8. Guess the children of the Trump family aren't even ALLOWED to swing on swingsets, or play tag, or experience joy.

9. Wingnuts cannot believe how California just legalized child prostitution, probably because CALIFORNIA DID NOT DO THAT.

10. And finally, this nice British singer lady says she'll perform at Trump's inauguration, on one hilarious condition. (The CONDITION is hilarious, not the song, for Twitter's information.)

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories, according to Beyoncé!

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Love,

Wonket

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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If there is anything that right-wing men seem to love, it is paying lots and lots of money to other dudes who will tell them how to live and/or function.

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Screenshot- Laura Ingraham Show

According to Rachel Campos Duffy, former reality TV personality and current Fox News personality, migrant baby jails are better than the "Projects". And she totally knows this for fact because she has a "black friend" who told her so. This totally mysterious black friend enlightened her on the horrors faced by black people in black places, which makes it perfectly okay for Trumpco to lock away those "privileged" brown babies. Also, stop being mean to her for spewing that hot garbage on the Laura Ingraham (who believes baby jails are like "Summer Camp") show, because it's not fair that you refuse to believe she has a black friend.

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