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Is that Wonkette toddler up there flashing DEVIL? Or is she just a Texas Longhorns fan? Hook 'em, horns? OR HOOK 'EM, DEVIL HORNS? We report, you decide.

(If she's trying to do the Texas thing, she is doing it backward. LIKE DEVIL.)

Anyway, the top ten stories of the week! Before we count down the top ten stories, though, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

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Ready to count down the top stories? Yes, you are.


Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Republicans SHOOK About Texas. No, Not The El Paso Attack, It's Something Else.

9. President Yap-Stupid Workin' Hard Today, Just Kidding He's Hate-Tweeting At Clouds

8. Dumbfuck Baby Trumper Grifter Headed To The Hoosegow!

7. Don McGahn, You Are TELL IT TO THE JUDGE!

6. Everything Is Terrible And We Could Use Some Nice Things

5. America's Last President Addresses Nation After El Paso, Dayton Terror Attacks

4. Jason Isbell Gonna Set 30-50 Feral Hogs On Ben Shapiro Now

3. Kamala Harris Is Too Queen To Notice Tomi Lahren And Her Stupid Apology

2. Can We Just ... Can We Have Gun Control Now Please?

1. Who Said It? Donald Trump Or Neo-Nazi Derek From American History X?

Those are good stories! Mostly about awful things!

OK that's all, go with God, etc.

Love,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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