Your Weekly Top Ten Is Exhausted By 2018 Already

Exclusive never before seen picture from 2017!

Oh hi! It's your first top ten post of the new year! Aren't you glad we had such a FUCKING BONKERS SHITSHOW news week to start off? No? OK, us neither. Anyway, your new and improved 2018 top ten posts are going to be ... exactly the same as last year! We will count down stories and show you Wonkette toddler pictures!

And we will continue asking you for money! You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially now that it's 2018 and we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. We Broke Erica Garner's Heart. For the second week in a row, this heartbreaking and terrible story. :(

2. Trump’s New Year’s Eve Grab-A-Puss-A-Palooza Looks Like It Was Good Wholesome Fun. Or the opposite of that. Whatever.

3. Does Milo Yiannopoulos Even KNOW He Plagiarized ‘American Psycho’? Because He Totally Did. For real!

4. We Are All Doug Jones’s Son, Staring GAY DAGGERS Through Mike Pence’s Dumb Skull. SO. MUCH. SHADE.

5. George Papadopoulos Walks Into A Bar, Tells An Australian Spy He Is Colluding With Russia, Basically. He is not very smart!

6. The 68,423 Most Fucked Up Quotes In Michael Wolff’s Trump Book That AREN’T About Steve Bannon. Hard to pick just 68,423!

7. Fusion GPS Just Threw The Fuck Down On Trump And GOP Congress, And It Was MAGNIFICENT. And also glorious!

8. Want Even More Nasty Trump Gossip From Michael Wolff? What A Gluttonous Slut You Are! And you're SHAMELESS about it!

9. Why Does Trump Always Strangulate His Own Arm In A Torture Watch When He Golfs? We are just asking!

10. Is This Robert Mueller’s Favorite Part Of Michael Wolff’s Dirty Trump Book? Bet Your Ass It Is! Obstruction of justice say WHAT?

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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OK bye.

Yours in baby Jesus,


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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