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Hi, everyone! It is the weekend, and if you are us right now, IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY! Happy birthday to you, if you are us! But if you are Wonkette Toddler, you are the EASTER BUNNY! (See above.) OK, so it's the top ten countdown, and you know how that works, but we will do that in a sec.


First, let's pay the bills, because those are important. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our modest but livable salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially now that it's 2018 and we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress!

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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. It’s Almost As If You Can’t Casually Tweet About Wanting To Hang Women Who Have Abortions Anymore! And we guess you can't, because Kevin Williamson is (finally) fired now.

2. We Regret To Inform You There Is News About Donald Trump Jr. Checkin’ Out His Dad’s Shower Peen. Sorry about whatever you were eating just now!

3. And Now, A Timely Reminder That Jared Kushner Is A Goddamn Moron. Never a bad time to point it out!

4. US Military Commanders Just Saying It Would Be Cool If Trump Pulled His Thumbs Out Of His Ass. But that's nah gah happen, so.

5. In Which Paul Manafort Learns That Bob Mueller KEPT THE RECEIPTS. Sucks to be you, Pauly!

6. Sean Hannity Can’t Believe Savage Gargoyle Hillary Clinton Would Suggest Fox News Does Not Like Her. What EVER could have given her that idea?

7. Gun News Roundup: Who’s A Nazi Today, Other Than Actual Nazis? A story about guns! A roundup, even!

8. Do Right-Wingers Just Not Understand How Buying In Bulk Works? We thought EVERYONE understood that?

9. Midterm Madness: Devin Nunes Is Treading Water In California’s 22nd. VOTE HIM THE FUCK OUT, CA-22.

10. If Donald Trump Was Your Dad, You’d Have Taken Him To The Neurologist By Now. You really woulda.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Here are a couple more kid pictures:

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Yours in baby Jesus,

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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